


what I had meant to say

by imscreamt



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Fluff, Gift Fic, Light Angst, One Shot, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, Semi-Public Sex, Slow Build, Slow Romance, forgive my smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:47:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24567172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imscreamt/pseuds/imscreamt
Summary: Just say hi. You know her well enough. Just do it.“Hey-”“Haley c’mon!” One of her caked-up friends suddenly called out and pulled her away. “Alex said we can crash at his place.”And then she was gone. Whisked away by her peppy circle of friends.Just like that huh, Penny thought. Just exactly like that.
Relationships: Haley/Penny (Stardew Valley)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 60





	what I had meant to say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snusnu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snusnu/gifts).



****

** Spring **

****

* * *

** Penny **

”503...503...” Penny mumbled as she hauled her bags across the jungle that was the women’s dormitory. 

Left and right, shoulders collided; voices howled around in some conflicting unison to see who can talk the loudest; articles of clothing migrated across rooms like colored birds that carried the nauseating aroma of Chanel numbers 5 all the way to 10 mixed in with the unmistakable stench of excess body sweat.

It was still Spring outside but the heat that emanated from the hall just seemed a bit too determined to push Penny’s new dorm experience into next year’s globally warmed Summer. Tying her hair up might’ve been the smartest decision yet since stepping foot into Ferngill Southern University. Not that it helped with the constant bumping and shoving, but in a way, she had already expected something like this.

Growing up in the very edges of countryside, she’d always imagined what a city would be like. Skyscrapers, shopping malls, traffic jams, more shopping malls. And the endless sea of different faces moving around. Back in her hometown, Penny knew everyone. She knew their complete names, their birthdays, their favorite food, their hobbies, who liked who, and who did what at what time and where. But even then, she always kept to herself and her books. It wasn’t that she was nosy about all of it. It’s just that the town was almost too small to keep any real secrets hidden around. Almost. 

“Sorry...’scuse me...yes, that’s my foot you’re stepping on...” She stated after weaving through the human traffic, plastering a pained smile as the other girl eyed her up and down for a few more seconds before finally moving away from the door. 

_ Room 503. Finally. _

With a squeak, the door opened to reveal a bunk bed for two hugging the beige walls to the side. A single window - thankfully big enough - overlooked the back of the building with a quaint view of the parking lot. And finally, a single desk was stationed on the opposite side of the bed, just beside the drawer and the mirror. The added bathroom was a pleasant surprise. Although she’d been prepared for a single shared one, not having to line up for the morning shower was always a plus.

She left her bags on the floor and plopped on the bed, taking a moment to catch her breath. Everything that happened earlier that morning seemed like a blur. Ever since the bus she took entered the city, she’d been constantly on the move and on the look-out for directions to the university. All of it was new; the buildings, the streets, the noise, the dizzying maps, the heat and smoke from cars. It took her two whole hours just to figure out what bus to take to get to the university circuit and another two hours just to wait in line at the registration booth. By the time she arrived at the dormitory, it was well past lunch and her stomach was in knots.

The noise from outside the hall suddenly burst through as the door flung open. 

“Penny?” A familiar voice called out, making her stand back up. 

“Maru?"

“Oh my god you made it!” The girl rushed in to give her a tight hug. She smelled of nothing like the assault outside. It was something much more calmer; more familiar. 

“I was so worried you might’ve gotten lost or something.”

“I’m fine, Maru,” she reassured, breaking away first. “Just took me a while to figure out the routes.”

”You could’ve called! I would’ve come and picked you up at the bus stop and helped with the registration and tour you around and-”

“Maru,” Penny placed both hands on the girl’s shoulders. “I’m fine. It’s fine.”

Maru breathed in deep and nodded slowly. “Okay but promise you’ll call if you ever need a lift, alright? Don’t go Dora the Explorer on me. Not until you’re more familiar with this hell hole. This isn’t like Pelican Town.”

“Yes, mother dear,” she laughed.

“Hey I’m being serious! Promise me.”

“Alright already! But can we please start your tour at a cafeteria or something. I’m starving.”

“See? You see?! You know this wouldn’t have happened if you called-“

“Maru!” She whined, pushing her out of the room before locking the door behind her.

“Hey, uh, you  _ do  _ have your keys, right?” Maru asked.

It took a few good seconds of mental recollection before Penny began searching her pockets, only to find nothing but her handkerchief. The silence the filled between the two was enough of an answer. 

Maru gave out a sigh before reaching towards her own pocket, pulling out a single key. “Ta-da!”

“Wait, you took them?”

“What? No! We’re roommates!” she beamed. “This is my own key,” she demonstrated, unlocking the door with ease. “Surprise!”

“Wha-...wait, you can choose your own room?” 

“Not necessarily,” she said, grabbing Penny’s own key from the bed. “I managed to convince some of the resident staff members to swap my room,” she grinned, handing it over to Penny.

Penny scoffed, recalling that Maru was on a special scholarship grant. “And of course they’d let you.”

“Well hey they’ve given me all these ‘perks’ so the least I could do is use ‘em right?” She shrugged before weaving through the crowd to make a clear path for Penny. “These types of privileges shouldn’t be wasted y’know.”

“You really didn’t have to though.”

“Wow, and you’re already throwing me away. Right after I saved your ass too. You’re welcome by the way,” she said, pulling her arm as they both made their way through the waves of people.

Penny groaned, rolling her eyes at her best friend’s all-too-familiar dramatics. Admittedly, she kind of missed them; or rather - she just missed her in general. 

“Okay well, thank you,” she replied. “But you know that’s not what I meant. You don’t have to keep looking out for me all the time. Especially now that we’re in college,” she said, quickening her pace to keep up with Maru. “I can take care of myse-“

And before she could finish, a sudden push from the moving crowd shoved her from the side causing her to stumble for a bit. Luckily, Maru was quick enough to stop her from falling any further. 

“Hey take it outside, assholes!” Maru shouted at the group who were still too busy laughing to have noticed what happened. 

The two girls shot her a mean look before ignoring them again. 

“Oh these fuc-”

"Maru. It’s okay. Let’s just go.” Penny nudged her before she could make a scene. She always was the fighter. Thankfully, her past two years in college seemed to have ingrained a bit of tact with how she handles her fuse now. Maru simply glared at the them for a few more seconds before giving off a resigned sigh.

“Being a pushover won’t help you here, Penny. Not when those assholes are around; not when your professors turn out to be just like them and not even when you’re trying to make friends,” she said. “That might’ve worked back in high school but it’ll tear you to shreds if you don’t start standing up for yourself in here.”

She wasn’t a pushover though. At least, not in the sense her best friend was pointing out. More like a pacifist really. She didn’t bother earlier because there never really was any point other than to waste precious time and energy. Time that could be spent on getting food and energy that could be spent on consuming said food. It was all about priorities. Still, she knew what Maru meant -- as usual. 

College is different from high school. Way different. And the sooner she learns how to ride the waves, the sooner she won’t have to become a burden for Maru or anyone else in the future. 

“Well in any case, as I was saying,” Penny said, straightening the wrinkles on her brown skirt. “I can take care of myself just fine.”

Maru simply rolled her eyes at her but then broke out into a smile, grabbing her hand once again.

”Penny?” A voice from the earlier crowd called out before they could proceed.

Penny turned her head to see who it was then froze. A familiar girl with the bluest eyes she’d ever seen was staring back at her. Her bright yellow hair was tied up to a ponytail and an anxious look painted on her otherwise gorgeous face.

She knew this girl. She’d already seen her from somewhere. In the back of her mind; buried deep - still in the process of being deleted. Then it hit. And it was like every fiber of her being reverted back to its state five years ago. It was like looking at an old picture of someone then comparing it side-by-side to who was standing there at that moment. 

”...Haley?”

They stood and simply looked at each other for a while, still unsure what else to say. The last time she talked to her was back in the summer after their sophomore year in high school. Back when they were still friends. Best friends actually. It was weird to think just how close they were back at that time, only for them to fall off so far behind that she couldn’t even say, ‘Hi’.

_ Just say hi. You know her well enough. Just do it. _

“Hey-”

“Haley c’mon!” One of her caked-up friends suddenly called out and pulled her away. “Alex said we can crash at his place.”

And then she was gone. Whisked away by her peppy circle of friends. 

_ Just like that huh, _ Penny thought.  _ Just exactly like that. _

Penny closed her mouth and swallowed her words. She breathed in deep then turned back to Maru who simply shrugged at her. She gave a tight smile then did the same, amused that she even tried. 

* * *

** Haley **

It was around 3:30 in the afternoon when she had finally slithered away from her friends. They wouldn’t have bought her usual excuse of attending classes because it was still ‘moving-in day’. So, she changed it up and instead whined about having to pack her stuff from her old room. 

It was one of those traditions in the university where they re-shuffle rooms and roommates every year. Everyone -- the freshies and the sophomores -- had to pack up and move out every single year and be partnered with a completely new face. Something about promoting a well-balanced network of friends kind of bullshit. And by ‘promoting’ they mean tearing them apart after each year; around the time they’ve just started vibing out would be ideal. It’s all really just a sick and twisted subscription trial. 

By the time you reach Junior year, you’d be moved to a different dorm along with all the other unfortunate seniors who couldn’t find their own housing to rent; still stuck in the limbo that is dorm room lottery. 

Haley wasn’t lying though. She still needed to pack up. Just right after she tracks down Penny of course. She exited her friend’s house and opened up her phone’s front camera, checking her hair and face to make sure the heat hasn’t greased it yet. She checked her white tee to make sure it survived Alex’s bag of Cheetos, and then finally smoothed out her denim shorts. Her outfit could’ve definitely been better for this reunion but there really was no time to change. Haley opened the door to her car and drove back to the women’s dorm.

Upon arriving, she quickly made a beeline towards the spot where she last saw her. Thankfully by then, it was less crowded so she didn’t have to worry about sweating. Well at least, not from the heat. 

She paced along the whole length of the corridor then moved up to the next floor, then to the next until she reached the top-most. Still no Penny. The last time she saw her, she was moving towards the opposite direction which was near the exit.

_ So that means... _

Penny could just about be anywhere. 

_ Fuck. _

Of course she’d be gone. As if she’d bother waiting for her sorry ass for two whole hours. Haley sat down on the steps of their dorm before deflating.  _ Five years _ , she thought. She finally saw her again after five whole years. And she couldn’t even spare a minute to talk. 

_ Great fucking job.  _ Haley grit her teeth and stared at the floor, taking a moment to rack her brain for other options.

She had two choices: Either wait for Penny at the front entrance. Or at the back. She knew well enough that Penny doesn’t own a car so she had no reason to use the back entrance from the parking lot. Which meant that she’d enter from the front. Easy. She got up and walked to the front entrance, leaning against one of the marbled pillars that stood beside the doorway. 

Haley took out her phone and checked the time -- 4:05 P.M. She had no idea where Penny might’ve went but there remained the fact that she was still just a freshman. And freshies don’t stay out too long during their first day. Not when they’ve just settled in. And definitely,  _ definitely _ , not that nerd. She smirked at the mere idea of it.

**...8:05 P.M. **

_ Okay where the hell is she?!  _ Haley asked herself for the sixty-seventh time that day. 

With her ponytail now all loose and splintered from the wind, she stretched out both her legs while sitting on the bench nearby. Each passing minute felt like an hour gone. Her stomach had started to protest against the stupidity of it all and made it known as it grumbled every so often. The nearest source for any decent food was Stardrop Café which was ten minutes away, and there was no way in hell she’d leave for even a second. Her stomach could roll over and die for all she cared.  _ I need the diet anyway,  _ she reasoned. 

But Haley knew she couldn’t wait all night. She wasn’t done packing and the new tenants were probably still waiting for her to take down the polaroid photos from her wall. As much as she couldn’t care less about the freshman who she’s swapping with, there must be a better way than waiting like an obsessed fan. She didn’t want to come off as obsessed. Obviously she wasn’t, but she still nodded to reinforce the thought. 

Haley just wanted catch up with her. Ask her how’s she been and what’s she been up to. How’s her mom? What books has she read? Did she finish the one about the little prince? The more she thought about what to say, the clearer she remembered how Penny looked earlier that afternoon. 

She’d gotten taller. But then again, maybe it’s because of those geeky short heels she wore. She definitely cut her hair, which actually does suit her quite nicely. Maybe a little too nicely. 

Her taste in clothes hadn’t changed though. They were still as plain Jane as ever. But in some weird way, they always did fit her. 

Even back then in high school - whenever she’d wear one of her countless polo shirts that cycled through each color of the rainbow for the entire week like some grocery store cashier - she still somehow always managed to look so stunning. Always. Whatever she wore, whoever hobo dressed her up, or whatever yard sale she plucked those hand-me-downs from -- Penny still made them look so good on her.

Then there was her, fourteen years old, trying her best to formulate the perfect outfit for each day like it was prom night. Haley had to consider the weather, what outfit was trending and what look had been buried overnight. Twinning was considered sacrilegious unless it was done on purpose or coordinated, so she had to phone her lackeys to discuss what they’d wear the next day. Only to then be frustrated that somehow, with all her planning and effort, the nerd-girl looked so much better than all of them combined. 

But despite all that, they became friends. Best friends even. When Haley found out that her own lackeys were talking shit behind her back, she confronted them one day during lunch break and talked shit right back at them in the cafeteria for everyone to hear. She spilled each of their dirtiest secrets then stormed away to the school’s miniature garden where she took her anger out on the innocent plants and flowers. 

After a while, she settled down on the bench and cried. She hated crying, but only because she looked ugly doing it. Haley thanked her lucky stars no one was there to see her bawling out. Except of course ‘Penny Polo Shirt’ who had been silently reading on the bench directly behind her. She forgot what she said to her or what they talked about back then but it was basically how they started hanging out. And then at some point, they moved up to become friends. Then best friends. 

And then she had to make everything weird by opening up the two buttons on Penny’s shirt one day. It always did bother her. She always kept them buttoned up as if she couldn’t get any more fashionably challenged. Haley thought she’d do Penny a favor and teach her a thing or two about the very basics of wearing clothes. It didn’t go well. At least, not in that sense she was trying to make.

Which reminded her, Penny had the two buttons of her shirt open earlier today. She saw her little mole just below her left collarbone.

_ Just below her left collar bone... _

Haley shook her head to stop the image forming in her mind and groaned once again.  _ Wait, _ she thought.  _ Wasn’t there someone with her earlier?  _ She squeezed whatever brain juice she had left to remember the other girl’s face. Someone with glasses; brown hair; looked like she wanted to strangle her friends. 

_...Fucking hell. Maru! _

She hit her head with an open palm and opened her phone’s contact list. Maru entered college with her last year. Haley asked her number just in case she needed to pay someone to do her Chemistry lab projects. Turns out she never really needed it because Maru would have never agreed. 

Haley pressed Maru’s number and stood up as she waited for an answer.

”Uh...hello?” Maru’s voice came through.

“Hey is Penny still with you?”

“Huh? Wait, who is this?”

“Wha- Haley! I gave you my number last year!”

“Oh. Yeah I deleted that.”

“What?! Why would you-” Haley pulled her phone away for a moment. “Okay forget that, is Penny there?”

“Yes?...” She dragged the word, sounding every bit suspicious of Haley. “Why are you asking?”

“Okay where are you guys?”

“Answer the question first.”

Haley breathed in deep, trying her absolute best not to lose it. “I just wanna talk to her, okay? Can I do that please? May I please talk to my friend who I haven’t seen in five years? Hm? Is that okay?”

Maru scoffed at the other end. “Some friend  _ you  _ were.”

”...Alright you little piece of sh-“

“Haley?” Penny’s soft voice suddenly came through.

Haley swallowed hard, taking in some needed air before she could respond. “Hey,” she said.

“Is everything okay?”

“What? Yeah. Yeah, no I was just um. I just wanted to talk to you,” she gave out a nervous laugh.

“About?”

“Just...stuff. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been good,” she said. “Just moved in from Pelican today.”

“Yeah? That’s great!” Another cringey laugh came out from her. She hated this. “Hey listen, can we like...talk? I mean, in person. Just catch up and stuff. Where are you right now?”

”Oh, well we just got back to the dorm. Maru’s parking at the back right now.”

Haley darted back inside the building and ran as fast as she could towards the back entrance. She stopped at the doorway and searched the lot. And then, she finally saw her. Her orange hair like a flicker of fire in the night. Penny closed the car door before putting her phone against her ear.  _ Oh crap.  _ Haley quickly pulled her phone back up as well.

”...-llo?”

“Shit! Sorry! I ran to the parking lot and- wait.” Haley ended the call and shouted from across the lot. “Penny!”

Penny looked over to her and gave a quaint smile. God she missed that smile. Haley rushed over to where she was and noticed the unwanted presence of one Maru. “Oh,” she said, making a point to sound as disappointed as possible

“Yeah. Oh,” Maru fired back, locking her car door.

Haley shifted back to Penny, throwing herself onto the girl for a tight hug. She recognized this scent. Her perfume that gave off the faintest hint of watermelons. It was the one she always used back in high school. She took in the nostalgia and leaned in just a bit closer for a little while longer.

“I missed you,” Haley whispered against her ear.

”I...missed you too, Haley,” Penny hugged her back for a bit, cautiously patting her backside like an awkward step-mom consoling her child who was evidently taller. 

“Ahem,” Maru interrupted. ”Might wanna take that inside?” She shook her head in disapproval and headed back first towards the back entrance.

They broke off and followed, heading for the lounge area while Maru went up ahead to her room. She picked the corner spot with the long sofa and sat at the edge beside Penny. For the first several seconds, Haley just sat there with one knee up to her chin, admiring once again how Penny looked.

”...What?” Penny finally asked, a questioning smile directed at Haley.

“Nothing,” she replied. “Just taking it all in.”

“All of what in?”

Haley laughed. “I missed you, Penny.”

“Yes, you already told me.”

And then, silence. Haley didn’t mind that. It felt awkward talking to her on the phone earlier but now, she just couldn’t bring herself to care for a proper conversation. Despite all her talk of wanting to talk; she knew it was all just an excuse to see her again. They’ve been like this before anyway. Penny, reading a book in complete silence, and Haley, taking pictures of her.

If anyone knew about her trunk full of Penny’s pictures in it, they’d most likely call the cops on her.

“I didn’t know you chose FSU,” said Penny. “Is Emily here too?”

“Yeah, but she commutes back home to our parents everyday. Always been a mama’s girl.”

Penny laughed at that. And Haley’s heart immediately did a flip.

“Like  _ you _ weren’t a ‘mama’s girl’.”

“’Scuse you, since when have I ever been one?”

“Seventh grade. You bragged about your mother’s job to everyone in class.”

Was it wrong to be proud of that? “Okay but that was a long time ago. Like a really, really long time ago. And don’t tell me you’ve never once seen your parents as a couple of superheroes before.”

_...Shit. _

Haley looked away and cleared her throat. “Sorry,” she managed to say. There she was again, being the giant turd of insensitivity that she was. 

Penny shrugged. “It’s fine,” she replied. “Your mom seemed nice. Well at least, she did when you made me talk to her on the phone back then.”

“Say that again when you meet her in person,” Haley joked, but she was still too busy wrapping her head around the fact that she actually bragged about her own mother to Penny back then. It was one of those harsh reality-check moments when you remember that god-awful thing you did back in your pre-teen days and your mind and soul just shrivel up in on itself for the absolute lack of holy water you’ve been missing out on. Just pure torment.

“Hey.” Penny called out to her and she realized she’d been spacing out for a while. “It’s okay,” she smiled.

It really wasn’t, but she wanted to get over it for the sake of not ruining their reunion any further. 

“Oh which course did you take by the way?” Haley quickly moved to a new subject, still being genuinely curious. 

“Education. Surprise, surprise.”

Haley laughed. “Obviously. You always did have a way with kids.”

Then it was Penny’s turn to laugh. “No offense, but that doesn’t really mean much coming from someone who’s just bad at it.”

“Oh please. Everybody knew Vincent and Jas were spawns of Satan. I mean, what kind of messed up creatures would dip your hair in a bucket of industrial paint for fun?” Haley crossed her arms.

“Kids, Haley. They’re called kids.”

“Yeah. Of Satan.”

Penny swayed to the side and nudged Haley’s shoulder. “C’mon, they’re not  _ that _ bad. At least, not as bad as they were back then,” she said. “They’re both in sixth grade now.”

Haley swayed back to do the same. “Can’t imagine those bumpkins ever growing up.”

“Well, they did. Everyone does,” Penny said, sounding a bit somber as she did. 

Haley looked at her at that point. Her eyes were downcast, staring at the floor as if she meant something else when she said it. She knew that look; that look Penny had when she tries to build walls around her. 

“Penny,” Haley called out as she reached for her hand. “You can talk to me now, alright? I’m here for you.”

Penny pulled her hand away, causing Haley to jerk back a bit. “Thanks.” Penny gave her a tight smile and abruptly stood up. ”I should um... get back to my room. Still have to unpack,” she said, already making her way up the stairs.

“Wait what’s-”

And then she was gone.

”...wrong.”

* * *

** Penny **

_ The absolute nerve she had to... _

Her thoughts cut off as Maru opened the door for her.

“Hey how’d the reunion-” - she walked briskly past Maru and crashed on her bed, placing a pillow to cover her face - ”...go.”

She felt Maru sit at the edge of her bed. “That bad?”

”...Bad enough.” She mumbled through the pillow.

“Told you it wasn’t a good idea.”

“Yes. Yes, you did. You already did, Maru. Thanks.”

Maru laughed - her only friend and roommate actually laughed at her. “What the hell happened anyway?”

She slowly took the pillow away from her face and stared at the top mattress of the bunk bed. “I don’t know,” she sighed. “Just felt...weird. Felt a bit wrong actually.”

”...Don’t tell me you guys kissed.”

“No!” She sat back up and threw the pillow at Maru. “It was like she forgot about it. Like she never left me back then. Without even saying goodbye. Like she never upped and disappeared.”

“Well, what’d you expect? That’s Haley for you.” Maru shrugged and got up, heading for the bathroom. “You really should avoid her, y’know. Unless you wanna get hurt again,” she said through the door.

Penny lay back down and closed her eyes, trying her best not to think about it. She was over it. Five years is a long time so of course she should be over it. And Haley wasn’t the one who decided to leave anyway. She and her sister had to move out of town and into the city because of their parent’s jobs. So of course she had no choice. 

_ Just get over it. Get over it, Penny. Just move on. _

_ Move on,  _ she chanted in her mind like some spell that’ll actually do the trick. 

Penny breathed in deep, the faint smell of Maru’s rubbing alcohol mixing in with the cool air of her new room. She then turned to the side and curled up.

_ You could have at least apologized first. _

**...the next day... **

Penny thought about what Maru said that night - about avoiding Haley. She just thought it wasn’t really necessary. It was her first year in college for Christ’s sake. Being on the constant lookout for someone would most definitely tire her out. 

And it wasn’t like Haley meant anything bad. A bit rough and just a bit insensitive sometimes maybe, but she knew her well enough to know she didn’t mean to offend. Penny was actually kind of glad they got to talk last night. She really did miss her after everything. 

Besides, it wasn’t like they’d bump into each other all the time. Maybe inside the dorm but Haley already had her own group of friends. The same ones who didn’t give a damn when they almost knocked her down. So there really was no way, in any version of hell, would Penny join their crew. Not to mention she was already a sophomore and on a very different curriculum.

The chances really were slim.

”...You’re retaking your English 1?”

“Uh-huh.” Haley answered as she sat beside her in the lecture hall. “You know I don’t do analytical readings,” she beamed as if that very statement didn’t just assure her doom.

She never did  _ any _ readings. 

Penny woke up earlier that morning in high spirits because her first class of the day and of her entire college life was English; which meant literature; which meant books; and now - in some weird and possibly dangerous twist of fate - also meant Haley.

Penny was the first one to spot her, which wasn’t really that hard with the girl’s long blonde hair covering her back. Haley was also tall. In a model type of way that her legs were enviously long. Even in high school she was the tallest among the girls and just third highest in the entire class. 

A few of the boys back then used to tease her about it and call her a lamp post. Penny didn’t get why at first so she asked Haley about it one day. Probably a dick move now that she thought about it. But Haley explained it anyway, right after giving her the death glare. Haley simply stood up and pointed at her bright yellow hair before sitting back down. Penny nodded slowly and they never spoke of it again. 

But by the time they reached seventh grade, no one could make fun of her anymore because by then she’d learned that having long legs was actually a quality of being a runway model. By then she had embraced it fully. At times, a bit too much when she would start bragging about it to all the other girls. 

Haley was still tall. Her posture also helped a lot. Penny wondered if she’d been practicing to become a model someday. But of course, she wouldn’t ask her about it. Penny bowed her head as she walked into the lecture room, scanning for an open seat directly behind Haley so the chances of her turning her head and spotting her were at the lowest.

_ This isn’t avoiding,  _ she thought.  _ Just choosing the one with the best view. _

She sat at the very last row directly behind Haley and settled down, pulling out her notebook and pen. While waiting for the professor to arrive, she made a note to get her things packed five minutes before the class would end so she could make a quick exit.

_ To get to my next class quicker of course. _

A woman, probably in her late thirties and carrying a bunch of folders entered from the side door of the hall. She placed the folders on the table below the big projection screen and clipped on her small wireless mic on the collar of her blouse.

“Mic...check...mic...Hello?” She tapped the mic twice to double check then asked the class if they were all in the seat they wanted. 

“Wherever you’re seated right now will be your final arrangement for the rest of this class so I suggest you all get up and decide who has the most supplies to borrow from. Go.” She then scanned the room as the others got up, spotting Penny at the very back. “You. Girl with the orange hair and polo shirt.” She called out.

_ Crap. _

Haley immediately turned around, her face brightened as she saw her.

“Penny!” She called out, waving an arm up.

“I promise I’m not going eat you so please join the rest of the flock and choose a seat closer,” said the professor.

Penny sighed, gathering her stuff as she got up.

_ Did she really need to call me out?  _ she thought, not having realized that she was the only person sitting in the back. 

Haley got up as well and pointed over to a couple of chairs behind the rest of the class. Penny gave a quick smile before walking over.

“I didn’t know you were in this class!” Haley gushed as they both sat down. It sounded a bit suspicious but Penny didn’t want to assume anything yet. 

“I...didn’t know you were in this class either,” she replied, trying her best not to be weirded out.

The lecture went on for the first fifteen minutes without a pip from Haley after she’d said that she was retaking the subject. Penny thought it was only natural considering that she didn’t want to fail for the second time. And she was actually taking notes. Like actively taking notes. 

_ Huh,  _ Penny thought.  _ Maybe this won’t be so bad aftera- _

“Hey about last night.”

_ Nevermind then. _

“Hm?” Penny replied, sparing Haley the bare minimum of her attention.

“Sorry if I seemed a bit too...forward.”

“You weren’t. It’s fine.”

“You don’t look like you're fine.”

“Lecture. Trying to focus.”

Haley didn’t reply for a while which made her think she got her point across. She felt kind of bad for shutting her down like this. Especially when the lecture was all really just an introduction of what to expect in class. Still, Penny felt like it was necessary to draw the line early on to avoid any sort of distractions that might come in the future. It wasn’t just for her sake after all, but for Haley’s as well. And any other unfortunate soul who they might distract.

”...Was it the hand thing?” Haley asked all of a sudden.

Penny shot her a look. “What?”

Haley was looking down on her notes that were now filled with doodles. “Was it because I suddenly grabbed your hand last night?’ She turned her head to look at her, an obvious concern painted on her face.

“What?! No!” She paused as the guy in front of them turned his head to look at her. Penny pursed her lips for a moment and settled down. As soon as the guy looked away, she leaned in towards Haley. “Of course it’s not!” She lowered her voice but still pointed out how stupid the idea was.

“Was it the hug then?”

“No! That’s not even-” Penny huffed. “I told you it was fine.”

“What is?”

“Everything! The hand thing and the hugging, alright? So stop worrying about it.”

Silence. Penny raised an arm between them like a barrier and leaned her head against her palm, trying her best to re-focus on the lecture. 

”...What about the nudging?” Haley pushed on.

”...The what?”

“You kinda nudged me on the shoulder and I nudged back. Was that it”

Penny couldn’t believe what she was hearing. But then she remembered it was Haley and everything made a bit more sense. Not that it made the girl any less annoying.

“No, Haley.” Penny said flatly. “It wasn’t the nudging.”

“Aha! But there  _ was  _ something.”

Penny breathed in deep and closed her eyes for a moment. She then turned to face Haley again with the calmest look she could manage. “What do you want me to say, Haley? Just tell me what you want me to say and I’ll say it.”

“Just tell me why you left all of a sudden.”

Penny stared at her for a moment; Haley’s deep blue eyes staring back at her like some innocent kid who knew she did something bad but didn’t know what. Haley wasn’t a kid anymore; and neither was Penny. Maru was right about one thing: if she doesn’t start standing up for herself now, she’ll be torn to shreds.

Penny pried her eyes away and got back to the lecture. “That’s a bit unfair, don’t you think?”

“What? why?”

“I mean, you did the exact same thing to me five years ago so, why can’t I?”

Penny finally said it. She couldn’t believe she just said it. Right during her first English class too. It felt wrong; like she didn’t need to bring it up. Like she should’ve just kept it buried and moved on because that’s what she’d been telling herself since back then. 

And it actually worked for her. Penny forgot about it at some point because she never thought they’d meet again for the rest of their lives - until yesterday of course. And then Haley just kept digging for it like she already knew the answer she was looking for. So, she gave it to her. Plain and simple. And it actually felt good; getting it off her chest like that. She thought about doing it more often but dismissed it for more obvious reasons.

Haley went silent after muttering a single “Oh.” 

It was the good kind of ‘Oh’; the kind Vincent and Jas would say after she’d reprimand them for something bad they did. The kind that made you realize you’ve done something wrong and you should take some time to reflect on your actions. 

The rest of the lecture went on without another word from either of them. Penny didn’t want to glance at Haley either because she might start feeling bad about it. She was already feeling bad about it, but she knew it had to be said sooner or later. 

It wasn’t like she did it just to guilt-trip Haley after five whole years. Haley was way too important for that crap. 

But it hurt remembering how much she actually had to suffer when Haley left without a word that day. Penny only found out about it from their homeroom teacher the next morning. 

After that, she retreated back deeper into her shell, shutting everyone out until Maru came along the following year, and even then - she still couldn’t get over it. And now the one who left her came back all of a sudden, acting like nothing happened and wanting to get back to how they were without even an apology or an explanation.

It really was too much.

The professor summarized the whole introduction before finally dismissing them. Penny closed her notebook and capped her pen, tucking both of them back to her satchel bag. She wanted to escape before it could get any weirder so she got up first without a word and without looking at Haley. 

“Wait.” Haley suddenly did the ‘hand thing’. The ‘grabbing her hand all of a sudden’ thing. “I’m sorry, okay?” 

Penny faced her, her thoughts divided between the sudden(and abrupt) apology; and the possible fact that it was going to make her late for her next class.

“I didn’t...” Haley trailed off with a frustrated sigh. “Look, I was just excited, alright? Yesterday when I saw you again, after five long-ass years I...” She paused again, her hand tightening around Penny’s a bit. 

”I wanted it to be like before. Like how we were back then. And I know it’s fucking selfish and I know I’m the one who left and that I’m an asshole for not apologizing way earlier.” She repented. “But I never forgot about that. What I did to you. And Penny I honestly have no fuckin’ clue how else to make up for all those years. But I’ll start by saying, I’m sorry. I’m so - so fucking sorry for leaving you like that. I’m sorry for leaving you, period.”

The silence of the empty hall felt like it hung forever after Haley had finished. Outside, the sounds of students chattering and laughing felt like they came from another world as the two remained motionless inside for a while. Haley was still holding onto her hand and for some reason, Penny knew she wouldn’t let go until her sins were forgiven. 

But despite Haley’s horrendous sense of timing and excessive use of profanity in her impromptu apology -- Penny knew she meant every word of it. Even back then, when Haley was still acting like a haughty brat, she could never keep proper eye contact when apologizing. Sometimes she’d tear up but would still be looking away. 

She had no problems doing it with the apologies she didn’t mean though. And at times, she’d even grace some poor kid with a smug look at the end. But not this time.

Haley was still sitting down on her seat, holding Penny’s hand while looking down on the floor. Penny had no idea if Haley was already tearing up but she wasn’t upset enough to wait for it to happen. She could never be  _ that _ upset.

“Look, I’m going to be late for my next class. We’ll talk later, alright? Don’t worry about it.”

“Wait where’s your next class?” Haley asked as she looked up at her.

She felt that weird feeling again. The one when she found out Haley was re-taking her basic collegiate English subject and that it just so happened that they were classmates.

Penny raised a brow and answered, ”M. Lewis Hall...why are you ask-“

“I’ll drive you there.”

“What?”

Haley stood up, still holding her hand. Why was she still holding her hand?

“You don’t have a car, right?” Haley asked.

“No, but I can just-“

“You’ll be late if you run,” she said. “And you are  _ not _ going to your second class all sweaty and tired. Not if I could help it.” She pushed her thousand-dollar pen into the spirals of her notebook before holding it with her free hand. It was all she took in class.

“Haley, I’ll be fine. You really don’t have to-"

“Please?” Haley asked, catching her off-guard. This was unusual. Even for her. “I’d feel like absolute shit for the rest of the day if I made you late for class so...please? Let me make it up to you.”

Penny already knew how it’d turn out. She’d get in the car, turn her head to look out the window for the whole ride all the while drowning in the inevitable air of awkwardness. But Haley was right. She would get there late. She would sweat like a pig if she ran. And then she might just drop right there on the sidewalk and die from exhaustion. Penny knew her body’s limits. Haley kinda knew about it too which kinda ticked her off. 

“Fine,” she said. “Just, please don’t make it weird.”

“Weird...how?”

“I don’t know just...” Penny groaned. “Just try not to talk too much.”

“Oh! Yeah, of course,” she smiled, pulling Penny’s hand as they finally moved towards the exit. 

“And Haley.”

“Hm?”  


“My hand?” Penny raised it along with Haley’s.

“Oh.” Haley looked at them for a lingering second before letting go. “Was that...weird?”

It wasn’t. At least, not in the same sense that she was talking about. It was weird in a different way. The kind of weird she didn’t really mind. 

“No, but we’re in a hurry. And we might trip or something.” She dodged.

Haley’s face brightened as if she saw right through it but didn’t say another word as they made their way to her car.

Penny didn’t know much about car brands but it only took one look at Haley’s sparkling white sedan to know it was worth more than all her and her mom’s savings combined. Which really didn’t amount to much but nonetheless, she knew it was worth a ton.

She stood in front of the passenger’s seat and froze, too nervous to even attempt opening the door by herself. 

“Hey what’s wrong?” Haley called out from inside the car.

“How do I...um...”

Haley giggled, opening the door herself.

She got inside slowly, careful not to break anything.

“Didn’t you ride in Maru’s car yesterday? What’s wrong?”

“Well her car didn’t look like a million-dollar investment so you’ll have to forgive me for staying on the more cautious side right now.”

Haley laughed again which only made her feel poorer. ”Penny, just relax, alright? The plan is to get you there on time without you looking like Linus so just...” - Haley leaned her body all the way to the other side of Penny’s seat to reach for her seat belt - “Relax.” 

Penny reflexively turned her head to the opposite side. She could smell Haley’s fruity perfume mixed in with the minty scent of her hair that draped just inches away from her face. She swallowed hard and could only hope Haley didn’t hear her. What was taking her so long anyway?

Finally, Haley pulled the belt back onto her side and buckled it in the slot. She started the engine that hummed smoothly like the million-dollar car Penny believed it to be and drove out of the parking lot.

And just like Penny expected, the air inside began to swirl into one big blob of awkwardness. Haley chose not to turn the radio on so there goes her safety blanket. Instead, Penny kept her gaze out the tinted window as they drove around the campus, glancing at her wrist-watch every now and then to check the time. 

It was 8:45 in the morning and her next class was in fifteen minutes. Remembering how far M.Lewis hall was from her earlier lecture hall, she estimated the travel time to be around twenty minutes by foot if she walked briskly. Then again, she still wasn’t familiar with all the routes and what path to take to get there so it’d probably take her longer during her first time. And if her English lecture took up extra minutes, what then? Penny filled her thoughts with these estimations and calculations to make the silence a little more bearable. 

It was different from the silence they knew back in high school. She didn’t enjoy this one bit. What’s worse was the fact that Penny was the one who brought it onto herself the moment she asked Haley not to talk. At that time, she couldn’t really decide which was more tolerable.

“Hey, um...” Haley spoke up. “Do you mind if I take your number? Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Wait, really?!”

“Yeah but don’t call me during class hours obviously. And I keep my phone silent most of the time so I might reply a bit late.”

Haley pursed her lips, keeping her eyes straight on the road. “Actually, can I just give you mine? Just call me whenever. Or text me. Whichever you want.”

Penny looked at her for a while, a bit surprised with the change. Was she actually being considerate? “Yeah. Sure, I’ll uh, I’ll add your number then,” she said with her first actual smile that day.

The silence resumed after that. Still awkward, but just a little bit more tolerable.

Haley made a turn into a driveway leading to a small rotunda that circled the front of the building. She stopped in front of the steps that led up to an open-arched entryway into the lobby.

“So,” Haley began. “Do you know where the lecture hall is?”

“Yeah,” Penny lied, not wanting to bother her with it. 

Haley raised an accusing brow and smirked. “Really? On your first day?”

”...Okay no, not yet. But I’ll just ask for directions.” Penny unbuckled her seat belt and stepped out of the car.

“Lecture hall’s up on the second floor. Take the staircase on the left side then go straight towards the end of the corridor. Turn right and you’ll see the sign for it.”

Penny slowly nodded. ”Right. Thank you, by the way. For the ride. And for the um...apology. I really do appreciate that, Haley.”

Haley’s face evidently brightened. She could see it from outside; hell she could’ve probably seen it from behind those tinted windows. But then she quickly bowed her head to hide it. ”You have my number, right?”

“Mhm. Already in my phone.”

“Okay. Good...good.” She said, her tone nervous like it was the most important detail never to miss.

Penny couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ll talk to you later, Haley.” She reassured, making her way up the flight of stairs before following Haley’s directions.

* * *

** Haley **

It was a disaster. Everything from that morning was a complete fucking disaster. And the worst part was that it all could’ve been avoided if she just had even the slightest capacity to stop being such an insensitive self-centered piece of horseshit for a hot minute. And then she just had to ask Penny why she left that night.

“God and I just had to ask her why she...ugh!” Haley groaned, raising both palms to cover her face.

“Yeah, that was pretty insensitive. Nothing new, but still.” Emily answered, taking notes of the on-going lecture. “You  _ did  _ get to give her your number though. Well I mean, she accepted it so it’s not a  _ complete _ disaster.”

“Thanks. Keep it up and you might just actually cheer someone up.” Haley reclined on her seat, tilting her head up as she stared at the ceiling of the hall. “Still can’t believe she’s in my English class.”

“You mean you didn’t set that up?”

“Oh fuck off. I’m not a creep.”

“Says the one who waited for her in front of her dorm all night.”

“’Our’ dorm. I live there too genius.” Haley corrected.

Emily laughed. ”That doesn’t make it any better, Haley. You could live in the same apartment building and it’s still creepy as hell.”

“Yeah okay but it’s not like we don’t know each other,” she said. “Anyway, the point is...”

“That you’re an asshole.” Emily concluded, not even sparing her a glance.

”Exactly.” She bent forward and planted her head on the table as she resumed wallowing in her own mistakes.

”But you said you apologized right?”

“Yeah.”

“And? What did she say?”

She turned her head towards Emily, dragging her face along the table. “Well, nothing at first. Then right before she left, she said she appreciated it. My crappy apology.”

”Okay, so...” Emily finally looked at her. “Remind me why you’re sitting in on my Philosophy class again?”

Haley groaned for the nth time since she sat down beside her sister. Something of a natural reaction whenever they got too close to each other. “Because - Emily, I need to know how to make it up to her, and for that, I’m asking you for some ideas.”

Emily laughed at her as if she doubted every word in that sentence. “What about your goon squad? Have you asked them?”

“Please.” She scoffed. “They’d probably tell me to give her some expensive shit.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with that. In moderation of course. But then again, something tells me Penny’s not the type to be moved by expensive gifts.” Emily said, tapping the other end of her pen against her notebook.

“Yeah, no. That’d piss her off more.”

The two sat in silence for a while, Haley - squeezing her brain juice to come up with a good idea, and Emily - attending her class.

“Hey just so we’re clear about this, you’re just trying to make it up to her, right?” Emily asked.

“Yeah?”

“And you’re not aiming for something more? Maybe on the romantic spectrum?” She pointed her pen at Haley.

”...No idea what you’re talking about.” Haley answered, looking straight at the projection screen.

“Haley you’re as open as your class schedule, don’t even hide it.”

“Okay fine.” She threw her hands up. “I have a big fat crush on Penny. Open enough for you? God.”

“There we go!” Emily nudged her with an elbow. “So this whole thing is actually just you pining for her. Got it.” She then pretended to jut it down in her notes.

“Hey I feel bad about leaving her too. I really do wanna make it up to her.”

”So start with that. Once you feel like everything’s back to normal, you can start creeping up to her. Like the creep you- ow!” Haley pinched her arm.

“I’m asking you ‘how’. Like  _ how _ would I return everything back to normal?”

Emily gave out a sigh. “I honestly don’t know. But try talking to her. Five years worth of talk should amount to something. Oh and when I say ‘talk’, I mean the one that won’t annoy her when she’s busy.” She gave her a knowing look.

”...Can’t believe I waited an entire period for you to tell me that I should just go and talk to her...”

“I love you too, sis.”

They parted ways after the lecture as Haley drove off to her last class of the day. Thankfully, it was still introduction week so her mind still had the luxury to wander off and try to come up with a plan to get closer to Penny. 

But by the end of the day, all her ideas boiled down to what her sister had suggested: talking. She wasn’t wrong though. It just seemed a bit too simple for a plan that was supposed to make it up to her.

Haley felt bad about it. She always did, ever since the day she chickened out from telling Penny that they were moving out of town. She was supposed to tell her the night before, but couldn’t bring herself to do it because she was afraid that Penny would hate her. So she wimped out. Knowing Penny hated her was a thousand times worse than not knowing how she’d feel at all. 

Although in the back of her mind, Haley already knew she’d hate her either way. At least at that time, she could lie to herself about it and play pretend, all the while trying to move on herself. 

Until earlier that morning at least. The very sin Haley ran away from came back and bit her in the ass. And she knew she deserved every bit of contempt that would come her way. She was ready for it. All she had to do was wait.

She hated waiting.

Haley got back to her room at around five in the afternoon, readying herself for her own funeral. Her room was still as plain as how the previous tenants left it. Beige walls, beige curtains, beige desk, beige bathroom tiles. 

She almost felt sorry for whichever poor soul had to live in that room for a year. Haley would’ve decorated it last night if she’d only known her intended room was swapped for this one at the last minute. She didn’t even know rooms could be swapped until some entitled asshole decided to make her life just a little bit harder.

Her new roommate turned out to be a sophomore in the Economics department. A gloomy-looking girl whose name rhymes with ‘rice’. That’s all Haley found out about her and all she really needed to know. She had decided to call her Bryce for now. 

Bryce hadn’t come back yet so she had the room to herself. She’d been lying on her bed on the top bunk for a few hours now, browsing her phone while keeping the charger plugged. It was her usual routine if she didn’t feel like studying. 

Haley never felt like studying. The only time she ever actually wanted to, was back when Penny used to help her on her homework. They’d stay in the school library after class and she’d sit down with Penny to study. For a while at least. Then she’d get distracted by how close Penny’s face was.

Haley almost dropped her phone when it vibrated. The time was eight-thirty, and she just received her very first message from Penny. The number didn’t have a name attached to it yet but just the idea that it could be Penny made her heartbeat quicken. Haley put her phone down on the bed for a minute and collected herself. She then wiped her whole face with both palms and breathed in deep, opening up the message.

‘Hi, it’s Penny.’

Haley stared at the whole message for a while. For ten minutes, she stared at her phone’s screen, occasionally tapping it to keep it from darkening. She didn’t think about anything. Her head was clear of any other thoughts, and her face, emotionless. The only thing she wanted to do was stare at those words until her eyes dried up from the screen’s radiation. 

Haley’s first ever text message from Penny consisted of three words. Nothing more, nothing less. At some point her roommate came back and called out to her, but by then Haley was already curled up on the bed, trying her best to hide the big stupid smile on her face.

Before she got too excited, Haley quickly saved Penny’s number and placed her on her ‘Favorites’ list. She’d obviously rank her somewhere higher if it was possible but she didn’t really mind because Penny was the first and only one to occupy that category.

Although it was a shame Penny opted for a text message instead of a call, Haley still graciously accepted this humble form of communication. She thought it was kind of cute. Kind of ‘Penny’ in a way. After calming down for a bit, she typed in her reply.

‘Heeey! This is Haley! How was your first day?‘

She pressed ‘Send’ and soon after, they were talking. 

It was small talk at first. ‘How were your lectures?’; ‘Where did you eat lunch today?’; ‘Who’s your favorite professor so far?’. If she was talking to anyone else, she’d have probably fallen asleep or just left them hanging. With Penny, it was the opposite. Haley wanted to know what she ate, what was she wearing, what time did she get back. Hell, she would’ve asked what they discussed in her lectures if she didn’t think it would bore Penny out. 

‘Hey, can I ask you something?...” Penny texted.

“As long as it’s not related to your assignment.”

“Lol. It’s not.”

“Fire away then.”

Haley propped herself up from her bed when she read Penny’s reply.

‘Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving that night?”

She knew it’d come up sooner or later. And she was actually hoping it’d come sooner so that she won’t hesitate around her anymore. Then again, it could always backfire. Telling her the truth could make it even worse. Especially when the simple answer to Penny’s question was that Haley chickened out back then. 

Despite the endless pool of self-confidence she had back in high school, it was never nearly enough to overcome the fear that she might hurt Penny. Haley already knew it would hurt her. The outcome was the same no matter what she chose. So she took the one that was the least hardest to do. 

‘Can I tell you in person?...’ Haley replied

‘Yeah of course. I’ll be in the lounge.’

Haley got up off her bed and quickly changed to whatever loose T-shirt she had lying around and changed her denim shorts to a more comfortable one. Bryce spared her one look before getting back to her phone. 

It was nice not having to deal with a nosy roommate. Unlike like her previous one who never once forgot to ask where she was going. It got to a point where it seemed more creepy than annoying. Haley got fed up with it one day and told her it was none of her business. Problem solved.

Penny was sitting on the same couch from yesterday. She wore a cute light yellow pajama set and had her short orange bob tied up, revealing areas of her face that Haley hadn’t seen since they reunited. She was bowed down, reading a book that laid flat on her lap. Of course she was, Haley thought. 

Haley stopped at the open entrance of the lounge, just admiring how Penny looked from a distance. Then she remembered what her sister said earlier; the one about being a creep, and she immediately continued inside to meet her. 

She stood in front of Penny, waiting to see if she’d notice her presence. When that didn’t work, she moved beside her and sat down, leaning over her shoulder to see what book she was reading. She couldn’t really tell, and she didn’t really care. Whatever it was had Penny in a trance. Haley of course took advantage of it and leaned in as close to Penny’s ear as she could, blowing a gentle gust of air around it.

Penny made a cute sound as she flinched at the opposite direction, covering her ear with a hand. She let out a tired sigh when she saw Haley grinning from ear to ear.

“Can’t you try and do a normal greeting?” Penny asked, closing her book.

“Sorry, sorry.” She giggled. “You were just so into it.”

Penny ran her fingers on the title of the book etched into the hard cover. Probably another fantasy adventure book, Haley thought. It was the only genre that could reel her in like that. 

“I was getting to the good part,” said Penny.

“Why? What happened?”

Penny looked at her with obvious scrutiny as if she doubted Haley’s genuine interest.

“What? I wanna know.”

“Well...” She began. “The protagonist - Cassian, was about to fight in a war to protect her homeland and her family. But on the eve of the battle, her lover - Lia, begged her not to go. She wanted to run away with her and live somewhere else basically. So she had to decide.”

“And what did she choose?”

“I’m not sure. Some kind of wind blew me out of it.”

“Ah.” Haley nodded slowly.

”What do  _ you _ think she should choose?” asked Penny.

“Her lover, obviously.” Haley answered almost instantly.

“Why?”

“Well first off, even if she joined in the war, it’s not like they’d win for sure so there’s really no point in risking it. And why would you even choose a piece of land over someone you love, like - that’s stupid. I can get behind the whole ‘dying for someone you love’ thing but dying for a piece of land?”

Penny laughed at that, covering her mouth to suppress it. “Apologize to our forefathers right now.”

“Pfft, sure. After they fix the legal system.” Haley put one leg up the couch and stretched her arms up, reclining back as she finished.

“What about her family though?” Penny asked. “Lover or family? Can’t have both.”

Haley thought about it for a while then shrugged. ”I’m sure they’ll understand.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Only one way to find out.” She tapped the book.

Penny opened it to the page she left off on. “You don’t mind? I mean I’ll just read up to the part where she decides. Shouldn’t take long.”

“Take your time.” She smiled, resting her chin on top of her knee.

And for the next ten minutes, Haley just sat there beside her in silence, fiddling with her phone while sneaking glances at Penny. Penny looked like a carved statue while while reading. Her eyes were the only parts that moved, save for her fingers that flipped each page. Haley wanted to take a picture of her at that moment but didn’t want to feel like a creep doing it. Asking permission was out of the question. 

A few more minutes and Penny eventually closed the book.

“So?” Haley asked.

“She chose the piece of land.”

“She’s an idiot.”

They shared a laugh and eventually fell back into silence. Penny still hadn’t mentioned her question from earlier. Haley thought she might’ve forgotten but that wasn’t like Penny. More like she was too polite to suddenly bring it up.

“I guess I still um...owe you an explanation.” Haley started, her voice a bit lower.

Penny replied with a comforting smile. “I’ve already forgiven you, y’know.” 

Penny said it so casually as if the very sentence didn’t just save her soul. As soon as she heard those words, Haley immediately clenched her jaws to stop any tears from falling. It felt like suddenly being reborn as a changed person and all her sins have been washed away. Finally, she was free from all torment. And she can die happy. 

“I just wanted to know why.” Penny added.

Haley breathed in to collect her thoughts and started explaining everything that happened that fateful night. She told her about her parents’ jobs in the city; about how she chickened out from saying goodbye; about how she tried to write a farewell letter but they just didn’t have the time that night.

“I think you know how bad I am at writing,” she said. “So yeah. That’s...pretty much everything,” Haley still kept her voice low, afraid that Penny might retract her forgiving grace.

“So that’s it then.” Penny looked down and stared at her book for a while. 

The few seconds of silence that followed felt like dozens of knives stabbing at her heart. Haley kept her head down as well, staring at the black screen of her phone with her reflection on it. She looked pathetic. She felt pathetic.

“Hey.” Penny suddenly nudged her shoulder with her own like she did the night before. “I’m not mad anymore so stop pouting,” she said. “It was rough for me, honestly. I didn’t know what to do or what to think back then. And it went on for a while.”

“Penny, I’m so fucking sorry, I-”

“Shush. It’s okay now,” she said. “At least now I know how you felt about it back then. A bit selfish to say this but...I’m actually relieved to know it wasn’t easy for you as well.”

Haley pursed her lips to stop herself from crying but the tears still came out. She felt like she didn’t deserve this kind of compassion from Penny. She wanted to be forgiven. It’s what she had been hoping for ever since she left that night. And now she had it; and it felt like she could breathe again. 

But at the same time, it felt disgusting. She felt so disgusted with herself from wanting it; to even have the nerve of trying to get it after what she did to Penny. And the only thing she could think of at that moment was if she really deserved it. Remembering all the stupid things she’d done from yesterday and earlier that morning just made her sick. 

She covered her face with both hands as she tried her best to stop her sobs from escaping.

“Hey, hey!” Penny immediately moved closer, pulling her in for a tight embrace. “It’s okay.” She kept repeating until it turned into a whisper. “It’s alright now. We’ve moved past that, okay?”

Haley stayed there for a while with her head down. And every time Penny said it was okay, she cried just a little bit harder.

She calmed down after a while and broke off, wiping the tears on her face with the back of her hand. She felt a bit better. Still pathetic; but a bit better in general.

“Thank you,” said Haley, her voice still a bit nasal. 

The last time she cried that hard was coincidentally on the night she left Penny. And before that, it was at their school garden on the day she first talked to Penny. All three somehow related to Penny. Haley snickered thinking about it. 

“Feeling better?” Penny asked, still rubbing her back.

“Mhm. A lot now.” She raised her head and gave her a small smile. “Sorry you had to hear my ugly crying.” She chuckled.

“Not much uglier compared to mine really.”

“Lies. Actually I don’t think I’ve ever heard you cry before.”

“Maybe because you weren’t there to hear it,” said Penny, giving her a sidelong glance. ”...Too soon?”

”...Ouch...” Haley hung her head back down again.

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” Penny laughed, wrapping her arms around her head for another hug. 

“No just...kill me. Please.”

It actually  _ was _ too soon. But Haley didn’t mind one bit because of the amount of physical intimacy she was being showered with. She was in complete peace at that moment, in mind and in body. She didn’t mind staying in that position for the whole night.

But then Penny just decided to lay a kiss on her head all of a sudden. She slowly raised her head to look at her. And of course, she had to make it weird by asking, ”...What was that for?”

“What?” Penny replied, an oblivious look on her face.

Haley was overthinking again. It didn’t have to mean anything, she thought. Penny was just comforting her, that’s all.

“Nothing. Never mind.”

It was a few minutes before twelve when they decided to call it a night. Haley would’ve wanted to stay a bit longer because they won’t be having their English class together the following day. But at the same time she was already feeling drained from embarrassing herself. She needed to recharge. 

“Oh by the way, can I get your schedule?” Haley asked as they got up the couch.

Penny opened her phone and sent her a picture of it without batting an eye. It was kind of amazing how suddenly compliant she’d become after that talk. 

Even her posture eased up compared to when she was around Haley that morning. “Send me yours too,” she said. When they were done, Haley walked Penny back to her room. 

Haley stopped and stared at the plaque on the door with Penny’s room number. 

’503’

“Wait... _ this _ is your room?”

“What’s wrong?” Penny asked.

Haley scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief. ”...Who’s your roommate again?”

“Maru. Why?”

_ That sneaky little piece of... _

And on cue, Maru opened the door half-way, leveling a bored look at Haley.

She clenched her fists, holding back the storm of curses that threatened to shoot out of her mouth.  Haley knew who Penny would side with if she attacked Maru. Even if she did tell Penny what kind of thieving, suck-up dorm-wrecker her friend was, she’d still defend Maru. Haley simply didn’t have enough creds for it.

“Hey,” Haley greeted her with a stiff smile.

Maru gave her a smug look. “Hey!” She said all peppy. “Thanks a lot for bringing  _ my roommate  _ back all safe n’ sound. I was really worried.”

Her eye twitched at the obvious emphasis. 

_ You filthy little room swapper... _

“No prob.” Haley replied. “Lots of shady business going on inside the dorm after all.”

“Really? You know come to think of it, I hear shoving innocent freshmen off their feet has been a thing lately.”

“Alright, alright stop with the death glares you two.” Penny stepped into the room, dragging Maru with her. Maru stuck a tongue out to Haley before disappearing inside.

“Can you two at least try and get along? You’ve both been at it since high school,” said Penny.

“Believe me, I’m trying as hard as I can right now.” Haley eased up.

“You get a bronze for effort then.”

She laughed dryly. “Oh I’d settle for that bronze with this one.”

Penny closed the door, leaving just enough space for her in-between. “Good night, Haley,” she smiled.

“Hey um...can we hang tomorrow? Just asking if you’re not busy or something. Maybe I can tour you around campus? Or just go around anywhere really. Only if you’re not busy though.”

“Already gave her a tour you creep!” Maru shouted from inside.

Before Haley could decide whether or not to storm the room and tell Maru off, Penny quickly shushed her down and replied, “I’ll text you when I’m free.” She stepped back and closed the door, leaving Haley with another big stupid smile on her face. She made a mental note not to be a creep tomorrow and started walking back to her room.

* * *

** Penny **

It was kind of weird at first. Weird that everything seemed to have went back to normal between them after one day. Penny spent five years trying to forget about Haley, but she never actually did. She didn’t think anyone really could. Unless they have some sort of amnesia maybe, but even then they’re just repressed memories. 

She spent those years burning bridges, then in a span of one day, they were back together again - hanging out like they used to. The strangest part about it was that she didn’t mind; like she almost hoped that day would come.

Somewhere in the back of her mind during the years she spent trying to move on, Penny knew she wanted to see Haley again. She wanted to talk about what happened. She wanted Haley to apologize. And she wanted to forgive her.

Penny thought maybe she was still being a pushover - forgiving Haley that quickly. But if not now, then when? The next day? A few more weeks? Maybe a month would do it. But then maybe five years was already enough. 

After that night, they spent almost everyday together despite their conflicting schedule. Penny was both amazed and bothered by the amount of free time Haley had. She had only four subjects that semester, three of which shared the same days so she had Monday all free and her Tuesdays and Thursdays full. English was the only subject she had on Wednesdays and Fridays. 

Although she did join a sorority, Haley never really shared anything about it. She never even brought up the prospect of joining them. Penny wondered if it was some sort of secrecy rule they had to abide or maybe some shady business they were hiding. 

Haley had that air about her sometimes. 

Like when they’d meet up after Penny’s class and she’d see Haley from afar, her back leaning against the car, arms crossed and a face like she’d stab anyone that comes within five feet.  One of the many things that haven’t changed, Penny supposed. Once Haley saw Penny walking towards her, her face would light up like a puppy with her tail wagging and all. She found it kind of cute.

Most days they’d hang out in Starfruit Café. Penny liked it there. It was quiet most of the time since it was out of the way from the campus circuit. Shelves of books lined the wooden walls for the customers, and it reminded her of the library back in Pelican town where she’d tutor Jas and Vincent. The menu wasn’t exactly cheap though. Penny wouldn’t be hanging out there if it weren’t for Haley who always insisted to pay. Of course, she always picked the cheapest cup of coffee.

But she could tell Haley wasn’t exactly the type to just sit around in one place for more than an hour. Haley was always staring outside the window with her chin on her palm, seemingly lost in thought, her blue eyes locked in some faraway place. 

Penny worried it might’ve been too boring for her at first, so she asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else. Haley replied with a smile and shook her head, saying, “I like it here.” There was something in the way she said it; the gentle tone she rarely used; her eyes that were looking so far away just a while ago - now completely fixed onto hers; something that told her she wasn’t exactly referring to the café.

“We could walk around the field if you want,” said Penny. “Or just go around with your camera and take pictures.”

“I’m not bored if that’s what you’re wondering.” Haley replied. “But we could still do those tomorrow if you’re  _ that  _ pushy about it.” She said, a smirk lining her face.

Penny scoffed, putting her pen down. “Remind me not to be considerate then.”

Haley laughed. ”No, no, it was cute!” she said. “I appreciate that. Really. But I’m honestly fine just being here like this. I like hanging out with you, Penny,” she said with the same tone and look she had earlier. 

Penny didn’t know why she looked away from Haley. But it felt like if she hadn’t, she’d assume something crazy. She hated assuming things. Nothing good ever comes from it and if you’re wrong, you’ll only have yourself to blame. 

Although in Haley’s case, it was hard not to.

She started suspecting it during the first few weeks after the night they forgave each other. They were close back in high school. But not close enough to be holding hands in public and locking arms all the time. All of which were initiated by Haley. Penny didn’t mind it at first, thinking she just missed her. The sentiment was the same more or less. They’ve been away for years so it was normal for a bit of physical contact. 

But then ‘a bit’ slowly turned into ‘a bit more’, and then into ’a bit like it’s not the type done between friends’.

She’d be lying if she said she didn’t like it. Penny liked the hand-holding, the arm-locking, their daily hugs every time they meet to hang out, Haley hugging her from behind while waiting in-line at the supermarket, Haley randomly kissing the top of her head while she’s studying; just Haley doing Haley stuff in general. 

Everyone knew Haley was gorgeous. It was an established fact even before she got into college. Maru told her that she was even scouted for a modeling agency back in her freshman year. She refused it of course, still just starting out in her first year. Compared to Haley, Penny looked like a complete bystander. An average face, average body, average clothes. Her only redeeming physical quality was her hair. And even that, Haley had her beat.

Penny was guilty of it though - sharing the same opinion about it as everyone else. That’s why she didn’t mind Haley clinging to her like that. And it’s why she couldn’t help but feel flustered every time she does. Haley really was gorgeous.

That’s why it was so hard to believe that Haley might actually like her that way. 

“Hey, you free this Saturday?” Haley asked from the other end of her phone. “Was thinking we could walk along the riverside nearby. Just snap some pictures and have lunch outside.”

Penny laughed. “Yes and yes. Sounds like a plan.” She couldn’t help but picture Haley lying in her bed and planning the whole thing out.

“It’s a date then.”

Before Penny could reply, Haley hung up, leaving her feeling confused again.

When the day finally came, they drove out early in the morning to grab breakfast and a few snacks for later. Penny saw Haley grab a few cans of beer from the shelf. ‘A few’ - in Haley’s standards - equated to six. She hated beer. She hated the taste, the smell, and even the sight of it. It reminded her of home; and a bit too much of her mother. 

“I’ll tell you now before you pay for all of that - I’m not drinking.”

“What?!” Haley turned to her with surprise.

“Haley, you know how I feel about this,” she said.

“But...this...” Haley grabbed a can from her grocery basket. ”We’re not gonna get wasted I promise! This is just to...lighten things up a bit.”

“That sounded really creepy just so you know. And are you saying you’re not a hundred-percent comfortable being with me yet?”

“I am! Just-” Haley dragged out a sigh. “One can. We’ll share one can. Deal?”

“And you’ll get rid of the rest because you’re driving. Deal?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Haley returned the can she was holding in her basket and put the rest back on the shelf before paying at the counter. They drove out of the main campus area, entering a narrow shaded road lined with oak trees that almost hid the way like it was some sort of secret trail. 

After a while of nothing but grass and trees and Haley’s carpool playlist, they finally stopped at a dirt roadside. A run-down bus stop shed was nearby but looked like it was abandoned a long time ago judging from the torn down posters and ivy vines that spiraled along its posts. It was hard to imagine that a bus would go around the secluded area anyway.

Penny grabbed her tote bag filled with her readings and a new fiction book she recently borrowed from the library. She was pretty certain she’d read the book over her Biology readings but brought them anyway just in case the guilt caught up. Haley slung the strap of her camera bag around her shoulder and took their supply of food out from the back seat. 

It was around 9:30 by then when they made their way along the dirt trail through the small forested area. Penny regretted not having any proper outdoor shoes for the occasion, only having two pairs of low-heels and her brown strapped sandals for the entirety of her stay. The dirt around was still a bit damp so she had to be careful where to step on. Meanwhile, Haley trudged ahead, her boots unbothered. 

After a few minutes of avoiding mud splatters, they finally arrived at a clearing. A quiet river flowed at the center, surrounded by white pebbles that covered the sides. The scene looked a lot like something from their hometown, like the river that ran through Pelican town but smaller. 

“What do you think?” Hayley asked, making her way down to the riverside. “Remind you anything?”

“A few outdoor tutoring sessions and Leah’s art shack yeah,” Penny replied as she eyed the length of the stream.

“That’s it? No ‘Haley’s Photography Mondays’ or anything?” Haley set their bag of food and her camera down a large rock not far from the river.

“Yeah I kind of remember that.” She kind of forgot about that. By choice - unfortunately.

Haley took her boots off and trotted over the edge of the pristine water. “My friend and I used to come here a lot. She said she stumbled upon it while out with some friends. Turns out they weren’t exactly the nature-loving type so she had no one else to drag.”

“You should’ve invited her,” said Penny.

“Nah. We’ve kinda drifted apart anyway.” Haley dipped her feet into the water.

Penny sat on the large rock beside her, putting her bag along with the rest of their stuff. “Mind if I asked what happened?”

Haley shrugged and picked up a rock to throw. “Nothing worth thinking about. We ended up with different circles, then somehow it got too awkward to re-connect. I mean we still say hi whenever we see each other, but not enough that we’d hang out by ourselves all the way out here.”

Penny looked up at her. “But you’d hang out with me?”

She stopped mid-way from throwing the rock and glanced at her direction. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you re-connected with me. I don’t see why you can’t with her.”

Haley gave her a little smirk before throwing the stone, watching it skip across the surface. “I’m not  _ that _ desperate to get her back.” 

She was pretty sure Haley meant that as a friend, but found her cheeks flushed anyway. She looked away, turning her gaze over to the other side of the river.

“Anyway, we can’t exactly leave our stuff here alone so this might as well be our spot for the entire day. Unless you wanna scout for another area.”

“I’m not the one who’s gonna be taking pictures, so I think  _ you _ should make that call.”

Haley put both hands on her hips as she looked around the area. “Nah, this is fine. That boulder’s gonna cast a nice shade so you can read later.” She took out her small portable speaker from her bag and played her earlier playlist.

“You can look around if you want,” said Penny. “I’ll look after our stuff so don’t worry.”

Haley laughed. “You sound like a mom.”

“Probably cause you’re a kid.”

Haley opened her mouth to protest but came up with nothing, opting instead to wipe her wet feet against Penny’s before running off with her camera to explore. She really was a kid. Penny smiled to herself remembering how Jas and Vincent were back then. 

She moved beneath the shade of the boulder and opened her book to where she left it at, getting lost once again in her own world. Or at least, she tried at first. She was one of those people who just couldn’t concentrate on reading while listening to music. 

It was always either of those two; never at the same time. Penny reached for the speaker and lowered the volume just enough to mask the sound of the flowing river. 

Time always moved slower when she was reading. More so if she was reading something she liked. And in some rare instances when she gets too absorbed in a book, all her five senses would somehow tune in to what she was reading. 

She’d imagine walking in a field of daises and breathe in, the vague scent forming in her mind. She’d feel the cold splatter of rain against her shoulders or maybe the warm, wet kiss of a lover who’s about to leave. It was when her desire to live in another world or another place at another time feels a bit too much that she begins spacing out. 

Although admittedly, there have been a few consequences resulting from her daydreams. Being late to some classes were among them. Then there was the inevitable trade-off in her social life, as if somehow reading a book would automatically raise walls around you. She has read too many. 

“Hey polo shirt.”

Penny turned her head to the side and was met with a finger poking her cheek. 

Haley chuckled. “Lunch time,” she said, taking out a couple of ham sandwiches they bought from the convenience store.

“Wait what time is it?” Penny checked her wrist-watch.

** ’12:30’ **

”...I’ve been reading for three hours?”

“Don’t look so surprised.” Haley handed her a slice. “It’s not the first time you’ve done it.”

“When did you get back?”

“Couple of hours ago,” said Haley, taking a bite from the sandwich.

Penny groaned, burying her face against her palms. 

“Hey, it’s okay! I didn’t want to disturb you anyway.”

“You should’ve,” she said. “I ended up wasting our time.”

“Penny, that will never be true. And like I said, this isn’t the first time so relax. Having you around is more than enough.”

Penny gave her a weak smile before nodding. “Okay but please just disturb me next time? So I won’t feel guilty about it.”

“You shouldn’t have to, but ok.” She took another bite. Haley always took big bites. In a matter of seconds, she finished the sandwich like a well-oiled food processor, eating without any restraint or care in the world. 

She unwrapped her own sandwich and began eating at her own pace while Haley was already biting down on her second. Once they were done, Haley got up and patted the crumbs off her denim shorts before chugging down half a bottle of water. 

“C’mon let me take your picture.” Haley suggested, offering a hand to get her up.

She looked at her with scrutiny. “Why?”

Haley scoffed. “Because why not. C’mon.”

After a tentative pause, Penny reached for her hand and got up. “Just don’t post any of these, okay?”

“As if I’d let anyone else see them,” Haley mumbled as she set up her camera.

Penny glanced at her behind her back, caught off-guard with the comment. She wanted to ask. The number of times she thought Haley was insinuating something more behind her words and her actions had become too many to write off as ’probably nothing’. The itch of not knowing if there was something else stirring between them lingered on like a fly buzzing around. But then every time she’d think to ask, there was first another question she had to answer for herself; what then if she knew?

She shook it off this time, adding it to the already long list of questionable things Haley had said.

The water was cool on her feet as it flowed down from the mountain, carrying a wisp of Winter’s previous chill. It wasn’t as clear as the one from her town, but was enough to see each individual pebble that laid beneath. Penny stood there, the water reaching just above her ankles as she lifted her midi skirt to keep it safe. Meanwhile, Haley stood a few feet to her side, shooting away as she pointed the camera at different angles. 

“This would be easier if you told me what pose I should do.”

“Pose like a pinup model then,” said Haley.

She gave a humorless smile before splashing at Haley’s exposed legs.

“Hey! You do  _ not _ want to start this with me I’m warning you now, Penny.”

“Don’t I? Doesn’t seem much of a threat with your camera exposed out here.”

“Hah. You are sadly mistaken if you think I’d go all the way to a riverside without a waterproof camera,” said Haley.

“You’re bluffing.” Penny challenged.

A sly smirk lined Haley’s face. ”Try it. I dare ya.”

Penny stared at her for a while and tried to weigh her options, but eventually came to the simple conclusion that it’s either they stay dry, or get wet. On one hand, she didn’t bring any extra clothes, so she’s pretty much dead if she tried anything; and on the other, she really couldn’t care less about that anymore. 

With a mischievous grin, Penny bent down and splashed her with reckless abandon.

Haley cried out in surprise. “You little-” Before she could finish, Penny launched another attack aimed at her face.

When Haley began to retaliate, it was then her turn to squeal as she ran away, her feet splashing about.

She didn’t get too far. Not with Haley’s long-ass legs. Haley grabbed her by the waist and began pouring cold water over her head as she tried to get away but was too busy giggling as Haley’s hand targeted her weak spots.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!” Penny flailed about, laughing all the while as Haley continued to torment her.

Another con she suddenly realized - Haley was much taller and stronger than her. The blatant difference was already laid out from the start and she felt stupid for even thinking she could win or even turn it into a fair fight. Penny had lost before it even began. And somehow, she still didn’t care.

After a while, Haley let her go but by then she was already too weak to stand up. She sat on the riverbed with half her body submerged and the rest completely drenched. 

“Warned ya,” said Haley.

She didn’t reply and kept her head down.

When the silence carried on, Haley called out again. ”Hey you okay? Was it too much?” She bent down to get a good look at her and Penny took the chance throw a handful of water directly at her face. 

“Not enough,” replied Penny, standing up as she swept back her wet hair.

“Don’t make me take you up on that,” said Haley, pulling off her scrunchie. She ruffled the back of her hair and let it hang loose over to one side. 

The image reminded Penny of one of those paintings that featured the Greek goddess Aphrodite. Except Haley was prettier and had more clothes on.

“You  _ did  _ bring extra clothes, right?” Haley asked.

”Nope.”

“What?! Then why the fuck would you-“

Penny shrugged and gave a stupid grin.

Haley stared at her for a while before eventually laughing it off. “You’re gonna catch a cold, hang on.” She ran back to get a towel from her bag and handed it to Penny.

“Wait no, this is yours I can’t.“

“Use it,” said Haley. “I’ll dry off on my own.” She wiped her camera with the towel before walking off to their spot.

”...How are you going to-“

And with one swift motion, Haley peeled off her shirt and spread it flat over a rock.

Penny immediately looked away. She didn’t know why, but something told her that if she looked over now, her gaze might never leave again. And Penny couldn’t have that. She still had a lot of reading to do. She shook her head against the towel and dried the parts where her clothes didn’t cling to.

“Hey,” Haley called out as if daring her to look.

“What?” Penny answered, pretending to dry her hair still. 

“Go get changed. I brought some clothes you can borrow.”

“But what about you?”

“I have some stuff in the car. I’ll change later when I’m dry.”

She could hear her walking closer and her heart flipped.

“Here,” Haley stood in front of her, unbothered by the wind and everything else that seemed to bother her in turn.

Penny gathered the courage and looked up. And she saw Haley, topless save for her navy blue bra, her skin glistening under the afternoon sun as droplets ran down her cleavage all the way down to her taut stomach. Penny froze for a good second then gulped down before finally taking the clothes Haley was holding out.

“You can change behind that rock,” she said. “Promise I won’t look.” She gave her a little smirk before walking away.

She wanted to laugh at that - just to dispel whatever kind of enchantment was cast on her, but she couldn’t. Her muscles had become too stiff. Her entire body felt frozen and hot at the same time. And she knew it wasn’t because of the wind. 

Penny clutched her towel and covered up instinctively as if she was the one undressed. She made her way to the other side and peeked over to Haley, making sure she was looking away. She then took off her skirt and blouse and dried herself in record time. Haley gave her a loose white T-shirt and a pair of black joggers that were definitely too long. 

Penny cuffed the ends four times and by then she looked like she had donuts around her ankles. She made her way back to Haley who immediately lost it when she saw the predicament. Penny smiled stiffly, trying her best not to call the girl a ‘lamp post’. Given that that ‘lamp post’ just saved her butt from freezing.

She handed her the towel, which was by then wet - as she soon realized. Penny hesitated for a second but played it off as an irrelevant detail she shouldn’t think about too much. One among the thousands more in her list. Haley laid it beside her wet shirt to dry instead of putting it over to cover her nakedness. She expected her to cover up at least. Or just use the dry parts of the towel to wipe herself off, then get her clothes all the way back to her car to cover up.

_ Just cover up, goddammit.  _

But no, Haley stayed shirtless. She sat down on one of the many rocks that littered their spot, her bare legs extended with only the heels touching the pebbles as she leaned her body back a bit, her breasts in full view and her elbows supporting her weight while she fiddled with her phone. Penny wondered why she seemed even more relaxed at that moment compared to how she was earlier; like she was deliberately showing off the minute her top was gone. 

She never even did this before. They didn’t change together or expose themselves to one another back in high school for the simple reason that it was embarrassing to do so. And now, Penny was the only one burdening the shame.

“Aren’t you cold?” She finally asked, sitting one rock apart from Haley’s.

“A bit, yeah,” Haley answered, still fiddling with her phone.

She expected her to say no. And now she couldn’t come up with a reply because she had no idea how to fix that problem. Asking if she had another towel might incite something like, ‘Well no, I only brought one for myself because I thought you’d bring your own if you were that stupid to splash me in the face,’ or something along those lines. 

No matter what solution she might come up with, it can only really serve as something to redeem the fact that she chose to do something so reckless and the fact that she now owes Haley for facing the consequences that should’ve been hers to bear. Penny had to at least take a bit of the responsibility.

”...You can have this shirt back if you want,” she said, almost like a whisper because she wasn’t sure about this yet.

Haley sat up straight, her phone long gone from her hands as she looked at her with full attention. “And what are  _ you _ gonna wear?” She asked.

Penny shrugged, looking down at the pebbles on the ground. ”I mean I’m already dry and you’re...half-dry. You need it more than I do.”

Silence. Penny kept glancing at Haley’s feet that swayed idly from side to side, wondering if she even heard her.

“Alright, take it off then.”

“What?” Penny looked up at her, and then looked down a bit before quickly going back up again. She didn’t expect that answer either.

Haley put on that smirk she had whenever she plotted something. “You’re offering my shirt back, right? I accept. Now take it off.”

She opened her mouth to protest but realized it would only expose her boiling panic from within. Besides, she still owed her, Penny thought.

Penny shied away from her gaze, pursing her lips before finally giving in. She crossed her arms and clutched the sides of her shirt, pulling up. And as if her mind wasn’t already working overtime - she suddenly became aware of the pace she was going at. 

Normally, you don’t even think of how fast you’re going to undress. You just do it. But at that time, Penny thought that if she was to go any slower, it might give Haley a very wrong idea. And if she was to go a bit faster, Haley might realize just how flustered she was doing it. Penny ended up pulling it slow mid-way then quickly shrugging it off at the end. 

And then she was naked. Not completely, thanks to her bra, but felt like it all the same as she sat there, one big rock away from Haley. 

Penny tossed the shirt over to her without looking and hunched forward, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she looked the opposite direction far off to the other side of the river. 

Haley remained quiet, much to her annoyance. Penny wanted her to talk. About anything really. Something that’d steer them away from her present shame and drive away the assumption that Haley was staring at her, looking at her bare skin that she had never exposed to anyone but her mother. 

Everything went quiet. No music from Haley’s playlist, no cellphone pings, no pebbles shuffling. Nothing but the faint rustling of the leaves and the flow of the river. She wanted to turn around and peek just to see if Haley was still there, but decided that not knowing was much better than risking her gaze.

“Hey,” Haley finally spoke up.

“Hm?”

“Hey,” She repeated.

“What?” 

“Look.”

“What is it?” Penny refused.

“You’re not looking,” Haley laughed.

“Just tell me what it is,” She dodged.

Then a sharp chill touched the back of her shoulder, making her squeal. “What the-“

When she finally looked over, she saw Haley with a stupid grin holding out a beer can. 

Penny gave out a tired huff, taking the can before turning back away.

“Why are you looking away?” Haley asked, her tone sounding a bit cheeky as she sat next to her.

Penny had no excuse for that. The only answer she could come up with was the simple truth that she was embarrassed beyond words. But admitting it meant that she had lost. She already had, and was painfully aware of it. But she believed that there was a difference between losing and not winning. Admitting it just felt like losing twice. And she wasn’t ready to give Haley that satisfaction.

Penny turned around, her front now in plain sight. She immediately felt Haley’s gaze upon her, eyes traveling along her bare skin. She unfolded her arms to try and look less embarrassed, opening the can to have a sip and hoping she’ll drink enough to drown her awkwardness. 

Was this normal between friends? Between best friends? Was Haley so used to it that she could keep staring unabashed with that smile dancing on her face?

“Is there something on my face?” Penny asked, handing Haley the can.

“Nope.” Haley took a sip, her eyes never leaving as she placed her chin on her palm.

“You’re staring at me as if there is.”

She snickered. ”I’m staring at you as if there isn’t.”

“You’re being rude either way.”

Haley laughed her annoying laugh again. “Why are you so embarrassed?”

Penny scoffed, looking over to her. “Maybe because I’m not used to being stared at without my top on. I’m surprised you’re not embarrassed about this at all.”

“Why would I be?” Haley replied with a smirk, confidence bordering on arrogance carried in her tone. “But it’s not like I do this in front of others.” She looked away for the first time since Penny turned around.

Seeing the opportunity to prod about Haley’s real intentions, Penny snickered and asked as casual as she could, “What - so I’m special?”

She was prepared to be laughed at. Her question dismissed with a snarky huff then have Haley proclaim in all her pompousness that she should in fact be grateful about it. Then they’d share a laugh and finally forget about everything - her embarrassment included. 

She was prepared for it because she knew it would be less scarier than the alternative. Penny didn’t know what the alternative was but she was sure it’d be more disastrous than that. Yet still she asked, turning to face her. 

And all of a sudden she found herself staring at her blue eyes - steady and calm, a tone darker beneath the shade of the boulder; a gentle smile curving her lips, one that she’d never seen Haley do before. As if she only showed it to her and her alone. As if she knew that somehow Penny would understand what it meant. And she did - but then at the same time she didn’t.

Wordlessly, Haley offered her the can, eyes daring her not to look away. Penny reached out slowly, their fingers brushing against the cold surface, and her gaze never leaving. She was never good at making eye contact, let alone holding one. 

Yet there she was, lost in Haley’s eyes like she’d been looking at them her entire life. And that the only time she looked away was when she disappeared. 

She didn’t want it to happen again. She didn’t want her to leave. So she leaned in closer, just a few centimeters more, hoping Haley would realize how much it took just to look at her in the silence that stretched between them.

Then eventually, with the help of one wet can of beer, Penny pried herself away before she did anything stupid. She grabbed the can and in one go, chugged it all down.

“Woah hey! Easy!” Haley laughed with sudden surprise - the reaction Penny was hoping for so they can move on without the awkward air floating about. “And you’re telling me you don’t drink.”

“I don’t,” she said, wiping her mouth.

“Then why’d you-“

Penny held up a hand to cut her off while covering her mouth with the other. She really hated beer.

Then without warning - much like the last time - Haley took off her shirt and gave it back to her. “Here. Cover up,” she said. “I’m already dry anyway.”

Penny stared at it, wondering if Haley even knew it was because the shirt had already absorbed some of the water. She took it and wore it anyway. It felt a bit cold but thankfully the warmth from the alcohol helped. Not that it made it any less disgusting.

And in a few minutes after covering up, the effects of started to surface. Penny had no idea how she was when drunk. Primarily because of her absolute distaste in anything alcoholic. Everything felt new. Her cheeks that burned, her eyelids that suddenly weighed a ton and have developed an allergy for sunlight, her inability to sit straight making her lean against Haley with all her shame tossed aside. All because of one lousy can.

* * *

** Haley **

_ She’s drunk as fuck! _

Haley screamed in her head as Penny leaned against her shoulder, one arm hooked around hers. This was never the plan. She wanted Penny to open up more, talk a bit more, laugh a bit more. Haley wanted to close the gap - not skip it. Everything was going smooth until Penny suddenly chugged the whole can down. What was that about? 

“Uh...you okay?” She asked, tilting her head to look at Penny who had her eyes closed while clinging onto her arm.

No answer.

Haley thought she was falling asleep so she tried shaking her arm a little, only for it to be squeezed even tighter. Her brain fissured between wanting to rejoice and wanting to die. 

She’d die from rejoicing either way. Although, it didn’t feel right. Haley wanted her to be like this without the alcohol. Or maybe sometimes with the alcohol but only after getting closer with each other.

Despite Haley’s first assumption that Penny would become louder and generally more hyper when drunk, she remained completely quiet, much like her timid self but with a more haggard look. But then what she lacked in words, she made up for her actions. Bold actions.

“Alright I think that’s it for today. We should get you home,” she said, playfully poking at Penny’s cheek. Penny caught her finger instead and kissed it, keeping it pressed against her lips for an ungodly amount of seconds. Haley looked the other way and muffled a scream. It felt surreal. Almost impossible, that this was happening because of one can of beer. 

But she felt it. Her soft lips, a bit warm and a bit wet against the skin of her index that trembled now and again. She glanced at her once more to see if this was really the same person who was too embarrassed to look at her body a while ago. The tables have turned, and Haley had no idea how to handle her.

She managed to pry her hand away with a bit of effort but was still stuck with a drunk Penny. A part of her wanted to observe, to experience being with this side of her that no one probably even knew existed. And then another part just screamed, ‘No. Get her home now you sick fuck.’

Haley quickly packed their things, putting together some of her stuff inside Penny’s tote bag and slinging her camera bag around. 

“Hey help me out here.” She grabbed Penny’s arm and swung it around her shoulders, lifting both of them as she stood up.

Penny groaned in protest, encircling her arms instead as she nuzzled her head against the crook of Haley’s neck. She grit her teeth to stop another scream from escaping. Then she thought that maybe if she screamed loud enough, Penny would come to her senses. Or it might attract unwanted attention. She was too shirtless for any attention. And the warmth of Penny’s arm against her chest gave her enough attention to last a whole year.

They trudged back to the forested path, mostly her dragging Penny’s half-dead body all the way. When they reached the car, she tossed their things in the back and spent twenty whole minutes to put Penny at the front, making sure her seat belt was tight and secure. Haley then spent two minutes catching her breath, finally putting on a clean top and pants. She checked on Penny once she was in the driver’s seat, making sure she was comfortable enough for the ride back.

“Penny?” she tapped on her shoulder, hoping for any word of response.

Penny just groaned again, making her giggle. “You’re really out cold huh. From one can,” she said, tucking a few loose strands of hair behind her ear.

”...Hale,” Penny mumbled, still half-asleep as she raised a hand to hold Haley’s. They were soft, but not entirely. A small proof to all the labor she had to endure living with her single mother.

“Yeah I’m here,” she whispered.

For a while, they stayed there in silence - Penny’s hand resting over hers as Haley cupped her cheek, a bit warm from the alcohol. She could watch her sleep all night and her stupid smile would never leave a second.

”...please.” Penny mumbled again.

“Hm?”

”Don’t...”

Haley shifted to look at her better, noticing the crease in her brows. “Don’t what?”

”Please...don’t leave me.”

The words were simple and her voice faint like a distant cry from somewhere far away, some place she still hasn’t reached. The pain that followed felt like a solid brick smashing against her chest, making it almost impossible to breathe. Her hands trembled and she wanted to pull away because suddenly, touching her felt like a sin; like nursing a wound that she herself inflicted. The words echoed inside her head like a voice from a distant past; haunting her like a plea she was meant to hear five years ago.

She felt sick. Like she wanted to somehow smash her past self’s head onto a boulder and spit onto the mush of her rotten flesh for leaving. Or maybe just convince herself to say goodbye. Maybe leave a letter. A few post-it notes might do. Anything.

But in spite all the self-loathing she drowned in, there then came an odd sense of strength Haley never knew she had. Something that kept pushing her forward past the things she couldn’t forgive herself for. A simple truth that told her it was useless to cry over spilled milk. Some new-found resolve to keep going down this path because it’s all she could really do right now. 

She fucked up once, and she has no intention of doing it twice.

Haley breathed in deep, her thumb wiping a few tears that have run down Penny’s cheeks as the answer finally escaped her lips; “I won’t,” she whispered gently. “I promise.”

After a while, Penny finally let go, drifting off to sleep beside her as they made their way back to the dorm.

Maru lost it when she saw Haley carrying a passed-out Penny standing in front of their room. She had to barge inside just to stop the girl from exploding and causing a scene. Haley explained what happened once and never bothered again. She knew Maru well enough to know the girl would just twist things around because she simply hated her guts. The feeling was mutual. Haley said what she had to say and went out, walking back to her room.

That night, she went about doing her evening routine of preening up which always took at least two hours with all her beauty products lined up on the desk like potions ready to brew. Although she wasn’t as meticulous about it as before, it eventually became a habit. It was one of the few things that could calm her down. The fact that she doesn’t have to rush doing it in the morning was just a plus. 

It didn’t work this time. After that eventful afternoon, something changed. Haley knew something changed. And she felt it - prickling underneath her skin as she lay in bed, thoughts still recapping what happened between them by the river. 

She tossed and turned while embracing her pillow, unbothered by what her roommate might think. The immaculate image of Penny’s smile forever etched in her mind causing her to smile as well; the memory of her touch still lingering against her skin. Her arms, her hands, her chest, her waist. 

She held out her hand up towards the ceiling, trying her best to remember how they each felt. And then the vivid image of Penny sitting beside her - shirtless with her hair still wet - flashed in her head like a lightning bolt that sent shivers down her spine. Haley curled up and turned to face the wall once it traveled down any lower. It was the only time she was actually annoyed that her roommate was there.

And then she remembered what happened in the car. A memory like an audio log stuck on repeat haunting her ears as it stung her chest again and again. 

She was glad it did. The fear of hurting Penny gave rise to something much greater and something much bigger than the fear itself. So much so that it made her accept the pain because if there was none, then there would be no urgency. Because the fact was, she liked Penny. Adored her. Cared for her. Wanted her in a sense that was much urgent and much deeper than any other she would’ve felt it for. 

But something changed that afternoon. It was like the thick fog that always hung over them finally cleared out. And the answer was simple. Simple if she dared; simple if she wasn’t so afraid what Penny might think; simple if she had never scarred Penny in the first place. Simple if she only knew what Penny felt about her; if she even felt a fraction of what Haley kept from her.

The next day, they met for lunch. They sat down their usual table and ordered their usual meals. And the first thing Penny said to her was, ”Did I...say anything weird yesterday?”

She knows, Haley thought.

“Weird?” Haley asked, feigning ignorance and hoping Penny would reveal it herself.

“Yeah while I was...drunk,” she said with obvious difficulty.

She gave it a few seconds, pretending to recall. “Not really.” At least nothing weird.

“Okay. Okay good,” Penny visibly relaxed “Thank you, by the way. For carrying me back. And sorry for the trouble.”

Haley smiled. “No trouble.”

* * *

** Summer **

H: Hey! Studied for English yet??

P: As we speak.

H: Nerd

P: ?

H: Wanna hang after?

P: Not sure when I’ll be done.

H: Soooo...that’s a no? :(

P: Shouldn’t you be studying too?

H: Yeah I will!......after we hang out :)

H: Penny?

P: I’m at the library.

H: OK OMW!

* * *

“You’re gonna meet her  _ again _ ?” Alex asked as Haley got up from the sofa, her handbag in tow.

“Yep.” She didn’t even bother looking at him.

”Why?” One of her friends joined in. “Like, why? Are we boring you? Is that freshman more fun to hang out with?”

She was. Like on a whole other level that it’s even stupid to compare. ”We’ll be studying for English, genius.”

“Bullshit. You know I can help you if you asked.” The girl crossed her arms.

“And this isn’t even the first time you bailed on us for that girl,” another one of her ‘friends’ added.

_ ’...That girl?’  _

“Hey she has a fucking name asshole,” Haley snapped.

The girl scoffed. “What, you think I’d remember? Point is you’ve never been like this before. Sneaking out and making excuses to us just to see  _ that girl _ . What happened to you?”

And before Haley could even reply, Alex cut in, a dangerous smirk lining his face. ”I know what happened,” he said, leaning forward. 

“Shut the fuck up Alex, you don’t know-”

“You like her, huh?”

All three of them stared at her for a moment, their piercing gaze waiting for her to answer.

Haley breathed in deep. “Yeah. I like her. So?”

“’Like’ as in...”

She leveled an apathetic look at the girl. “Like as in - it’s none of your business.” 

“She just wants to fuck her,” Alex snickered.

Right then and there, Haley took a step forward and swung her bag in full force like a flail, smashing it against Alex’s head.

He yelped as it sent him tumbling down on the floor.

“Are you fucking insane?!” One of the girls rushed down to help him.

“Yeah,” said Haley. “I am. Insane enough to be hanging around with you stuck-up losers for too long.” She turned around and marched towards the door. 

Her head throbbed as she sat silently in the car, thinking how much she wanted to hit that asshole again, preferably on the area where it would hurt the most. He deserved it. Haley breathed in deep, reclining her seat as she closed her eyes to gather herself. She couldn’t remember the last time she got that mad. Maybe back in high school. The latter part of it at least. The part where Penny wasn’t there with her anymore. 

Haley gave out a sigh, remembering the hell she went through in those years. The decisions she made, the people she surrounded herself with and the people she threw out; the numbness she had yearned like a drug. She leaned forward, planting her forehead against the rim of the steering wheel.

No more, she thought. It was time to move forward - one step closer.

She drove out to the library with an odd sense of peace and contentment veiling her. The fear or whatever had haunted her before vanished into thin air as if being lifted like a curtain. Was it because she knew Penny was waiting for her? And that the time she was about to spend with her could be the best few hours of her life? Will it top the other countless times they’ve spent together? Haley smiled to herself, knowing that either way - there would be no version of reality that she’d choose to spend it with anyone else.

The main library was huge. She’d only been there once during her first year because of a subject she’d already forgotten about.  The entrance was through a double-door with tinted glass which took you to the lobby area. To the left was a set of stairs leading up the second floor where a few staff members worked in. The actual library was cut off with more tinted glass separating it from the lobby

Haley stepped inside from the lobby, her eyes already scanning for the girl with an orange bob.  And for the first time in her life, Penny’s hair didn’t help one bit as the library seemed even bigger than she last remembered. Rows and rows of 8-feet tall bookshelves lined every side, stretching out like a long aisle of some depot store. 

Tables were placed at the center and a long counter for book transactions was to the right. The lack of people at that time made the whole place seem even bigger, almost scary - like one could easily get lost exploring it. Haley brought out her phone, setting it to silent before texting Penny.

* * *

H: I’m at the entrance. where are u??

P: Left. Go straight all the way to the back.

H: ? THAT far?

P: There’s a reading area here. Shelves are closer for the selection I need.

H: lol ok omw

* * *

Haley made her way down the aisle, the smell of old paper and air-conditioning drifting in rows like waves in the ocean. The four-o-clock sunlight, already hinting a bit of orange, passed through parts of the large windows that weren’t tinted and cast small patches of light on the dark wood of the floor. 

They looked magical in a way. In a sense that they gave off the feeling of light filtering through an abandoned ruin or some ancient historic place. Maybe it was because of all the old books that contained literal history in them. Haley didn’t hang around libraries too often, but she understood why Penny did.

Haley stopped when she finally reached the reading area. There was no one around except for Penny - her head bowed as she read a book on the table, her orange hair bringing life to the bleakness of the place.  Once in a while her lips would mouth the words she was reading then move over to her yellow pad to take some notes. She’d tuck a lock of hair behind her ear and wet her lips before returning back to the page like it was her lover. Maybe it was.

Haley could watch her get lost in the same rhythm for hours, enjoying it like it was her favorite movie. And the best part was that she didn’t mind if it ended because by then she’d have Penny’s attention to herself. 

She turned her camera on and snapped a few pictures of Penny like the creep she was. Penny, as always, hadn’t noticed even when the shutter sound clicked again and again. Haley moved closer, lifting a chair beside her and sat down. Penny finally noticed her - not because of her actions, but because she had to look over the yellow pad that laid directly in front of Haley. She jolted back when she saw her causing Haley to laugh.

“Christ, do you  _ always _ sneak up on people?” Penny asked, her hand pressed against her chest.

Haley gave a cheeky smile. ”Just you.”

“Lucky me.”

_ ‘Just you’,  _ she repeated in her head wishing she’d have said it again, re-rolling the dice to see if it would mean any different to Penny the second time around. Or the third or fourth. The nth time until she would finally - truly, feel ‘lucky’ enough to mean it.

“What’re you reading?”

“Just a bunch of essays and study papers. I’m trying to see how they structured it and how the citations were written,” She said, her eyes never leaving the pages.

“Wait this is included? I thought the exam was only up to Unit 2?”

“Yeah but...” Penny smirked. She actually smirked. “I thought I’d do advanced reading for the next topic.”

Was she actually feeling smug about reading their lessons earlier than half the class? The thought proved too much to handle as Haley looked away to stop her smile from becoming too big. “You are such a nerd,” she managed to say, trying to make it sound as endearing as possible.

Penny shrugged, seemingly okay with it as she continued writing down on her yellow pad. She wrote in cursive and just a bit too italicized that Haley couldn’t make out some of the words. A doodle of what looked to be a Poppy flower was scribbled at the top right. She must’ve been bored at some point, Haley thought.

“Have you studied yet?” Penny asked, closing the book she was reading and grabbing a new one beside her.

Haley heaved a dramatic sigh and deflated on the table, stretching her arms out across. “And here I thought you knew me well enough.”

“If that’s your way of saying ‘take a guess’ then I’d say you haven’t.”

“Wow. What gave it away?”

“Probably your text message about doing it later,” she said, pausing to look at her. “Maybe I  _ do _ know you well enough after all,” she smiled with both the innocence and confidence of a kid thinking they’ve figured out the world. 

Haley avoided it and stared at the table, trying to look as indifferent about it as possible. “Not enough,” she said idly, throwing in the bait.

Silence.

She took a chance and glanced up at Penny who was then staring at the book but wasn’t exactly reading. She looked pensive. Like someone deep in thought but didn’t want others to know it or at least, not her. Haley grabbed her camera and began taking pictures of Penny because she didn’t want to let the chance slide but didn’t know how to move it forward either.

“Stop,” Penny said, more amused than annoyed.

“Why?”

“Because I said so.”

“And why did you say so?”

“Because I’m uncomfortable with it.”

“You never said that the last time I stole pictures of you.”

“Well I’m saying it now.

Haley stopped and pushed the camera towards her on the table. “So delete them.”

Penny glanced at the camera, then to her. She was cautious to take it at first but eventually gave in as if sensing Haley’s anticipation. She started deleting the recent ones. Then she saw the ones from yesterday. And the ones from the day before. And then before that; and then even way before that one. She stopped pressing, an unreadable look on her face as she stared at the digital screen.

”Why are these all pictures of me?” She asked.

But Haley heard it differently. It filtered through her ears like the final call of a train leaving and she had to decide whether to board it or not. Penny gave her the ticket, but to where? She had no clue.

Haley propped herself up and faced Penny, letting her chin rest on her palm as she looked directly at her. Then once more, said, “You know me well enough to answer that.” She added in a casual smile, not wanting it to sound so serious despite it probably being the most serious she has ever gotten since college; but also kept it forward enough to make it clear. Or so she hoped.

Their eyes met for a few seconds before Penny looked away. By then, Haley knew that Penny already knew. And she was either too shy, too cautious, or just too polite to turn her down and say, “Sorry, but I don’t feel that way about you at all. Let’s just stay as study-buddies.” All of it made her heartbeat quicken but she wasn’t about to confess it outright either. 

No, Haley thought. She wanted Penny to figure it out; wanted her to notice something that she had worked hard for; had actually fought for; and had nourished even before she had realized it herself. She just wanted to give her the pieces and see if they both had the same picture in mind.

“Take a guess,” she dared, echoing what Penny had said earlier.

When Penny wouldn’t(couldn’t?) answer, Haley slowly moved her left leg under Penny’s, idly rubbing them together. The act elicited a noticeable gulp from her as she finally spoke up. “Because you needed a model?” She said, standing up and grabbing the book beside her as she walked away.

Haley laughed, not because of her answer but because she still chose to put up the oblivious act even now which she was only too glad to play along.  _ ‘Play along’,  _ like it was all a game because facing the horrific truth that she was terrified of what might actually happen between them didn’t seem any better.

“Nope,” Haley answered. She got up and followed her - slowly without rushing, mirroring her steps on the opposite aisle as they passed by the bookshelves in between them. 

”...Because you needed practice?” Penny fired again as they continued strolling.

“Ouch? Yeah I do - but no.” 

“You...want to sell them online then.” She laughed for a second, giving Haley the impression that they both had the same coping mechanism.

She was obviously reaching now but Haley didn’t mind and continued to play along. “I’d buy them myself so there’s actually no point.” If that wasn’t already a big-ass flag then she had no idea what was.

Penny stopped and turned towards Haley, stepping in between the two shelves that towered over her. She stopped midway and began returning the books she carried.  Haley followed suit as she slowly walked towards Penny, her fingers idly brushing the spines of century-old books that hid them from anyone at present. She stood an inch apart beside her, pretending to browse through the titles that all read the same:  _ ‘Tell her.’  _

“Where are you going with this?” Penny asked in a hushed tone as she tip-toed to try and reach for a book.

“Where are  _ you  _ going with this?” She moved directly behind Penny, close enough so the scent of her shampoo drifted to her nose, and with almost no effort grabbed the book over her head.

“I don’t-” Penny stuttered, turning around to face her, looking every bit as flustered as a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. 

”What do you mean?” She continued but her facade was already cracking. The way her eyes darted everywhere, avoiding her like she was Medusa, or how she simply didn’t know what to do with her hands so she kept them solemnly in front like a nun. 

Haley smirked, holding out the book to her. “Ask me again.”

Penny reached for it, only to have Haley pull it back. She loved teasing her like this. Penny tried again but this time Haley threw the book on the floor and grabbed her wrist, finally getting Penny’s attention as their eyes met. Those emerald eyes she’d only seen up close through pictures now staring at her, nervous, but tinted with something else. Courage? Disgust? A speck of passion maybe? Hopefully? 

Haley slid her hand down to hold hers, gently, because the last thing she wanted was for that ‘something’ to turn into fear.

“Just ask me again,” she whispered.

”About what?”

“The pictures.”

”...Do I want to?” Penny asked, seemingly more to herself than to Haley.

Haley lifted a hand to cup her cheek, whispering with almost all the distance gone between them, “Tell me right now if you don’t.”

They stayed silent for a while, nothing but the sound of their hearts drumming against their ears; Haley - inching ever so close and Penny; unmoving, save for her fingers that started to cling onto Haley’s.

”Why...” she started. ”...do you have so many pic-”

Haley pressed her lips against her before she could finish. She breathed in deep as she did, amounting to the entirety of the moment it lasted. One long, deep intake of air - then they parted, breathing out against each others lips. 

It felt rushed. Like she wished she had bigger lungs to take it all in, only for it to still feel rushed. If one long breath was all the universe would allow, then she’d breathe in slow until her lungs popped and her head swirled and her consciousness faded because in truth it’d be no different from what she was feeling right now.

The universe can go fuck itself.

Haley leaned in to kiss her again and - sensing that Penny craved the same, allowed herself to lose a bit of restraint. She cupped Penny’s face, tilting her head up a bit so their lips could meet better, and as they did, pushed her body against hers, nudging Penny back against the shelf. 

Penny held onto Haley’s arms, gripping, pulling, making sure she’ll never make the mistake of stopping again. 

A moan escaped from Penny’s lips, prompting her to push her tongue inside which only then elicited more moans. She tasted raw, and wet, and every so often - sweet. 

Haley realized that in the back of her head, she wanted her to taste sweet and that’s why it came to be and that’s how it will always be. No matter what happened and no matter how long this - whatever this is - would last, Penny would always taste sweet on her tongue.

They broke off for a while, finally giving in to their body’s limitations. Penny was panting harder, and Haley realized it was because she was also on the verge of crying.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked.

When Penny wouldn’t(couldn’t?) reply, she assumed the worst and asked. “I’m...I’m sorry I thought-“

“No!” Penny cried. “No don’t. It’s not-” She was scrambling for the words, trying to regulate her breathing. “I don’t mind. I really don’t. And I wanted that. Needed it actually.”

”...But?”

When Penny couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, she bowed her head and leaned it against Haley’s chest.

“I’m scared,” she said. “I can’t...Haley I can’t lose you again. I can’t. I just...”

Haley wrapped her in her arms, feeling the weight of Penny’s shoulders as she wept. They felt heavy. And it killed her once again to know she was the reason behind it.

“I won’t,” she replied with as much resolution her voice could say. “I will never leave you again, Penny.”

“Promise me...”

Haley smiled, and for the second time, she promised. They stayed in each other’s arms until Penny calmed down.

“Better?” Haley wiped her tears with her thumb and kissed off the few others. Penny nodded with a smile, noticeably more at ease now. She then wrapped her arms around Haley, her palms splayed against her back. 

She returned the gesture and kissed her head once, then traveled down to her ear a shade redder than usual, then to her neck, to the part where it curved towards her shoulder. Penny gripped her top and leaned in towards her as if to invite. 

“Do you...want to continue?” Haley whispered against her ear.

All she felt was Penny’s head nodding against her chest and said no more, lifting her head once again to kiss her. Gently at first, before throwing away whatever shame she had left and went in deeper. Penny moaned in her mouth as Haley slid a hand down to feel her ass, taking one cheek in to fit in her palm. 

She felt greedy, almost ashamed for dreaming about this during the nights that kept her awake but then couldn’t bring herself to care for too long. She’d die first before she let this slip away. Her other hand ran down the curve of Penny’s hip, slowly slithering beneath the fabric of her shirt. The soft skin of her stomach felt hot against her palm as Haley found herself to be the one shivering against the sensation. 

Penny hooked her arms around Haley’s neck, leaning back against the bookshelf as she watched with baited breath. The fabric soon followed up, revealing her skin underneath. Haley swallowed hard and eagerly lifted it up some more until her blue bra was completely visible. She took Penny’s lips on hers and slid her hand underneath the obstruction, cupping her breast as she moved her fingers against her nipple. Haley smiled against her lips, noticing the stiffness rubbing against her skin. 

She paused to whisper, ”...Already?”

Penny shied away in silence. And Haley relished it. That small retreat she makes thinking she’s well under the covers. Her fingers circled around her nipple, teasing, then without warning gave it a light pinch. Penny covered her mouth to stop a whimper from escaping. 

That was it. That small break. That chink under her armor. Haley bit her lip - watching Penny try and retreat to her safe zone again, only to stumble back out as she continued to tease. Before long, her thighs came together in response, her body twitched in sync with the movements of Haley’s fingers.

When she paused to give the poor girl some time to recover, Penny looked up at her, eyes pleading and her breathing almost ragged. “Haley...” she whimpered.

Haley pushed her against the bookshelf, kissing her hard, ravenous as she dropped her little game, giving in to what she’d been really craving for from the start. She needed to feel her. Every inch and every hair and every fiber of her being and she scrambled to take it all in like rain after five years. 

Penny steadied herself with her free hand on the edge of the shelf. Haley hiked her leg up to which Penny gladly hooked behind her knee, giving better access to her hand that slid up and down her outer thigh. A moan escaped her mouth as Haley move under her skirt, grabbing her ass and giving it a squeeze before running a finger under the circular band of her lacy underwear.

She circled back over her leg, slowly making her way now to her inner thigh, making sure to be as agonizingly slow as possible. Penny whined as she tried to pull her in closer. And for the first time since they started, Haley felt embarrassed, the mere sound of Penny’s desperation being enough to get her wet. But this was about Penny. And in a way, this was her last peace offering for what had happened between them.

Her needs aside, she wanted Penny to enjoy this as much as her experience allowed. Haley brought her hand nearer, her thumb rubbing against Penny’s thighs as she felt the heat against her skin. Penny began to move in rhythm, edging her body to brush against Haley’s hand - desperate to feel any part of her in contact. 

Having her little fun, Haley finally pressed in, running the length of her fingers against Penny, stroking the thin wet fabric between the slit. Penny gasped in response, jerking her hips whenever Haley applied a bit more pressure. 

Just as they were getting into the rhythm, Penny grabbed her hand, slid it underneath her laced underwear, then gave out a low moan as her fingers found her clit. And  _ holy fuck _ was she drenched. Suddenly all the perils of doing it in a library dawned on her. Haley was wet enough as it is but Penny was a whole other story. 

“Please...” Penny breathed, saying it like it was her own dying wish as her hand guided Haley’s.

_ Christ and she’s not even thinking anymore. _

Haley rolled her underwear down just enough to ease her hand’s movement and began massaging, making sure her thumb never leaves her clit as her fingers felt everything else. Penny clung on tightly, muffling her moans against Haley’s shoulder which only made it more difficult to keep her shorts clean. 

”...Inside,” Penny managed to say.

Haley swallowed hard and with one smooth push, slid her middle finger in, feeling Penny’s grip tighten around her nape. And it was like waking up to a dream. One of the many fantasies she’s kept well hidden under the safety of her sheets, revisited every other night right after they’d hung out and when Penny’s perfume still lingered on whatever she wore. 

Sometimes on one of her sleeves. Sometimes on the back of her shirt. And on a lucky night, it would linger on her skin. Haley remembered those restless nights as she looked at Penny, her orange bob slightly disheveled, her plain-as-hell polo shirt rolled up and wrinkled, her face almost unrecognizable as it gave in to pleasure. As she gave in to her. 

The thought jump started her hand as she lurched forward to push deeper, moving in waves as her finger curled up and extended in rhythm. She kept her other hand firmly on Penny’s ass, squeezing it hard until it left a mark. 

Penny could only throw her head back as breathless moans filled the aisle they hid in. Haley watched her, their breathing almost in sync. Without so much a warning, Haley slid in her ring finger and instantly felt Penny’s whole body tense at the intrusion.

“Fuck!” Penny cried out, her raspy voice like a drug that kept Haley’s hand moving even faster. 

She kept her palm moving, giving her clit just as much attention as the rest deserved. Penny rocked her hips in wanton desire and Haley swore she felt the bookshelf shake a little.

Penny pulled her head down and pressed her lips against Haley’s ear, moaning in a low almost guttural growl, “Harder...”

Her eyes fluttered close, feeling betrayed that Penny kept that voice from her all these years. And she wanted to hear it again, wanted her Penny say it louder but only for her alone. She picked up the pace, her palm slamming against her crotch as her fingers - knuckle-deep, massaged upwards. 

Penny could only cling helplessly, rocking her hips in time with her movements sometimes meeting her hand with the same magnitude as she cursed with every gasp that escaped her mouth. 

“Fuck...oh fuck-” Penny’s breathing hitched as she arched her back against the books, her thighs trembling as she finally released. Haley looked at her as she did, savoring every second it lasted before catching her. “I got you,” She whispered, almost out of breath herself.

Haley pulled out, running a sensual finger down her thigh where a bit of cum trickled down. She then brought them up in front of Penny’s face, her eyelids still heavy as she stared at her own mess. The look she had bordering between shame and pleasure put a devilish smirk on Haley’s lips, tempting her to take a picture for the nights they won’t be able to spend together. 

“You’re a mess,” she teased, pulling apart her index and middle finger to show the evidence.

Penny reached for them with her lips, catching Haley off-guard as she sucked on them once, twice, thrice rolling her tongue in-between until finally pulling back. She batted her eyes at an already lifeless Haley, licking the sheen off her lips as she whispered, “I’m  _ your _ mess...”

Haley blinked out the trance, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks. She tried to give a smile but failed pathetically, still dumbstruck on what just happened and felt a bit betrayed she didn’t get a taste. Then as if sensing her thirst, Penny brought her in for a kiss. Softer, clearer. Reminding her that this was all real and that they were there; in that moment; after everything.

When Penny pulled back, Haley followed, wanting to taste more, wanting to feel more.  _ More. _

_ “ _ Let me taste you...” she breathed, her forehead leaning against Penny’s.

”...Right now?”

She glanced around to make sure they were still alone. “I can’t?”

Penny bit her lip in thought before silently pushing Haley’s shoulders down. She got on her knees all too quickly and began trailing her hands up Penny’s outer thighs. Hiking her skirt up, Haley disappeared underneath, feeling the warmth that lingered from their previous act before pressing her lips against Penny’s sensitive skin.

“Wait.” Penny held her head. “Let me catch my breath...”

Haley couldn’t answer but remained still, inches away from her cunt. A sudden wave of embarrassment took over as she realized how heavy she was breathing. She was panting. Like some debased animal too eager for her own good so Penny had to step in and put a leash around her neck, telling her to ‘Wait’. 

And the worst part was that it sounded so unbelievably hot when she said it. So much that Haley swore she’d even roll over if she asked right then and there. 

But no, she had to wait. On her knees carrying the full weight of her shame at the mercy of Penny Polo-Shirt as the seconds felt like hours. What if, as she was waiting, some innocent soul walked in on them. They’d see her kneeling with her head thigh-deep in between Penny’s soft legs, hands - up her ass in worship. 

No one would recognize her because of the skirt over her head. No one would know. No reason to stop. 

She felt herself getting hot and it wasn’t just because where she was at.

With a gentle push from Penny’s hands, Haley lurched forward, her mouth open as she took her in, lapping at her cunt like it dripped honey. No - she tasted even better. Penny brought her thighs together, almost squishing her head but it only urged her on as she grabbed her ass and squeezed.

Even from below, Haley could hear her cute little whimpers and she imagined what her face looked like when she’d run her tongue along her slit; when she parted it with the tip; or when she just downright sucked on her clit. The latter causing Penny’s hold to tighten around her head.

Once she found the rhythm, Haley pulled her ass in, sliding her tongue inside as Penny’s hips thrust forward. Haley’s eyes fluttered close as she moaned into her, a small testament to how content she was at that moment.  Mouth open, tongue inside, hips grinding. The simple pleasures of life shared with the girl she worshiped. She moaned again just thinking about the days to come but then focused back to the present.

Penny’s thrusts became more erratic as she rolled her tongue up inside, feeling the tightness wrap around. Whenever Haley felt her ease up, she’d pull out and get back to her clit, flicking around as she casually slid her index finger in. She heard one breathless ‘Fuck!’ and pushed her tongue back in, causing another hard thrust from Penny as she felt her clamp up. 

Her thumb rubbed idly against her clit as she increased the pace, moving in sync with Penny’s hips as she finally came. Penny pushed Haley’s head to meet her hips and jerked against her mouth, waves of pleasure coursing around her mouth as some of it dribbled down to her cheek all the way to her neck.

Haley slowly moved back out from under her skirt, lips glistening as Penny’s taste remained slathered against her mouth. She got up and faced Penny who looked even more haggard from a few minutes ago; gave her one long kiss to let everything mix together.

“No more...” Penny breathed out, leaning forward into Haley’s embrace. “Can’t stand...”

She wasn’t kidding. The weight she put on Haley was from her knees giving in. Haley couldn’t help but laugh as she held her up for a while until some of her strength returned. 

“We’re never doing this again,” said Penny as she fixed herself up.

“At least not in the library, right?”

Penny looked at her for a while, her eyes regaining their usual shyness, before nodding.

Haley smiled and planted a kiss on her forehead, picking up the book she threw from earlier. “So...you need this?”

She rolled her eyes then grabbed it from her hand. “Thank you.”

They walked back together to pick up their things, half-surprised they were still there just as they left them. The scene felt like a relic from another timeline. A monument of sorts to attest what happened there in that date at that time in that little aisle at the very end of the library where the books hid them from the rest of the world.

“Hey um...” Penny started. “Did you mean it? What you said back there?”

Haley smiled cupping her cheek as Penny leaned in to the touch. “Every word,” she said. “I promised, didn’t I?”

She held her hand in place. “What if you had to? Like what if you absolutely had to leave again?”

“Then I’ll come back to you. Always.” She pulled her in for a soft kiss.

* * *

Haley picked her camera from the table, strapping it around her shoulders as they both cleaned up.

“Those pictures sill need to go,” said Penny, stacking the books she’ll be borrowing for later.

“Wait seriously?!”

“Haley, you literally have thousands of those. And I’m not talking about the ones in your camera.” She gave a knowing look.

”...How the hell do you know about-“

“Point is, you already have too many.”

“Okay, ‘too many’ is subjective so I’m assuming I can keep like-“

“One.”

“Fifty. Nothing less.”

“My pictures, my choice. One.”

Haley raised a finger to protest. “Okay but nude.”

Penny stared at her intensely but eventually shrugged. “Deal,” she said, already making her way back to the front counter.

“Full body?” 

Haley quickly followed, hooking an arm around Penny’s as they strolled along the aisle of an almost empty library, whispering silent promises never to part again. 


End file.
